Sunday, September 11, 2011

In the Words of One Jack Black...

I did it. I've done it. I fuckin' did it.


I handled it well, I think. It was pretty much as I expected. Lots of handshakes. Lots of touching doorknobs. Lots of sweaty upper lips and flushed cheeks. Lots of hand sani placed strategically. Lots of smiling, toothy, slurred Gwyneth Paltrow lines. WHAT'S IN THE BOX? WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOX???

Oh, but Jude Law's janky fake front tooth? Completely unnecessary.

I remember thinking I should have taken my notebook and pen, movie-critic style, but instead I just wrote notes all over my hand throughout the movie, things I'd noticed, things I was going to blog about, things that were going to BLOW YOUR MIND.

However, by the time I got home, I'd washed my hands so many times, I now can't read my notes.

Well shit. But I swear, it was some great stuff. Genius. Award-winning.

I do, however, remember one part with great glee. A character was talking to a disease expert (portrayed by Kate Winslet), describing his wife's reaction to the outbreak, saying, "She makes me strip down and take off all my clothes in the garage before entering the house, then she slathers me with Purell. Isn't this over the top?" 

Kate Winslet answers with a simple, "...No." 

I silently laughed my proverbial bum-bum off. Because that is soooo me & my husband. And I felt vindicated. Actually, this whole movie made me feel vindicated. Everything made me want to scream, "SEE?! See? You can fuckin DIE if you touch an airplane drinking glass! Your face will rot off it you touch poker chips at a casino! YOU WILL KILL THE WORLD IF YOU DO NOT WASH AFTER TOUCHING YOUR BLACKBERRY!!!1112@#!"

I also found it humorous how in one scene, Kate Winslet had obviously pulled the duvet cover off her hotel bed.  Way to go, Kate! That's using your noodle.


  1. I'm sorry, but the notes washed off of your hands.....I laughed my ass off at that! It's a vicious circle, isn't it? Incidentally, I ALWAYS carry one of those teeny little notepads and a pen in the little purse thingy I carry. Just in case.

    FWIW, my grandmother always used to tell me when I was kid that if I wrote on myself, the ink would poison me......

    Hahahahaha! Just giving you a little jab, there. I haven't seen that movie because I always think they are just a rip-off of The Stand, but maybe I should check it out.

  2. I finally watched this movie last night and I thought of you and wanted to come back and reread this post. :)

    OMG the Chinese chef that didn't wash his hands and started the whole thing?? Gross. If only Paltrow read your blog then she would have either 1) not touched the guy at all or 2) washed her hands immediately afterward.

    Also, even with all her precautions, Winslet still got sick. :(

  3. Woe to the Winslets of the world. :(