Thursday, September 15, 2011

Crack Her What??

Oh My God. If I wasn't laughing so hard, I'd be crapping my pants silly.

MJ over at Sweetwater Cloth took the time and energy to post this entry, JUST FOR ME. She mentioned this restaurant called Cracker Barrel, which I've heard of but have never had the pleasure of visiting. Go check out her post, then come back.

First reaction: DEAD ANIMAL HEADS. What could be more appetizing. Oh, and plz let's have you choose your live animal before they kill it and cook it too. Wait they already do that at places.

Second reaction: NOOKS AND CRANNIES GALORE. Our local Applebee's is alllllmost that bad, with all their kitsch, but not quite. Cracker Barrel wins for the most un-dustable, un-cleanable crannies ever.

Third, and strongest, reaction: THE PEG GAME. MJ, I swear to Christ before you ever said "Now, here is the part where I tell you that I'm not OCD, but the peg game seriously squeems me out," I was already breaking a massive sweat. Seriously. I have never, in all my days, seen something like that. And I don't know why it should seem so much worse than, say, the salt shaker. But I bet to 97% of my readers, this triggers some sort of squeem factor. Am I right? WHY? I ask you why? The same grubby hands that touch the Peg Game touch the salt shaker, and touch the ketchup bottle, and touch the door on the way out. Just saying. But yes, MJ, you nailed it, the PEG GAME. Oh God the Peg Game. I wanted to die when I saw this. Really? They expect you to crack your Maine Lobster and then make your move? FFS. Why don't you just suck on the pen when you're signing your receipt, while you're at it. 

And finally, my last reaction: the rocking chairs. It immediately made me forearms tingle with a grotesque heat. It made me want to break out the Sani-Hands 65% Alcohol wipes and scrub down my arms. I do not like things with arm-rests. I detest movie theater arm-rests. And as previously mentioned, after dining at a restaurant, if I have worn a short-sleeved shirt, I do INDEED break out the Sani-Hands and wipe down my forearms.

So yeah. Cracker Barrel kind of broke my brain. Must go bathe in bleach now. BRB. Later. Much much later.


  1. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW just thinking about that peg game is making me sick to my stomach. The boards and the pegs are probably all discolored where a million hands have been touching know what I mean, that dark hue of dirt that makes me want to gag.

  2. Cracker Barrell sucks. I've never like them. Too much junk--the clutter makes my brain hurt--but the main reason is that they don't really offer a single dish that I can vegan-ize. Even the frickin' vegetables have dead animals and/or dead animal juice in them. DOUBLE yuck.

  3. Now I will never look at Cracker Barrel the same way again :(

    haha. I only like their blueberry pancakes anyway,

  4. Janice: Yeah, what is up with restaurants with a "clutter" theme? Do they think we patrons like that?

    Samantha: Hmm, not TOO much can go wrong with blueberry pancakes. I mean, except maybe a stray bolt or two.

  5. I am SO glad I'm not the only who thinks that Cracker Barrel is disgusting.

    Following from the FNF Blog Hop!

    Definitely my new favorite blog :)

  6. I've never been there. lol.

    I'm a new follower from the Finding New Friends Hop. Hope you can stop by

  7. Chloe: Hi! Glad you're here! :)

    Ama_La_Notte: You had me at "I am a SAHM of four children (yes that DOES include my husband)." You had me at "I am a SAHM of four children (yes that DOES include my husband)."

  8. I'm so glad you survived the vicarious visit to Cracker Barrel with me!

    Ironically, we are probably going for breakfast tomorrow - maybe i'll take my good camera and see what other appetizing things I can find! haha