Friday, August 31, 2012

Fun Phobic Fact Friday!

Let's take a break from my usual moroseness lately and get back into the groove of FUN PHOBIC FACT FRIDAY!!

Since I've missed so many lately, here are about a billion to tide you over:

1. Ever have a craving for a peanut butter sandwich? That thick, yummy, and creamy goodness. In one pound of peanut butter, it typically can contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs. [Ed. Note: Who's in charge of making this peanut butter? Remy the Rat(atouille)?]

2. House flies go to the bathroom roughly every 4.5 minutes. Think about that next time you see one fly on your delicious dinner. [Ed. Note: Am I the only one totally amused by the term "go to the bathroom"? It's like saying "House flies use the lavatory roughly every 4.5 minutes."]

3. Step outside and smell the roses. On a daily average you will inhale 1 liter of others anal gasses. [Ed. Note: "Anal gasses," as it were, also contain small particles of actual fecal material. Which makes this Fun Fact even more disgusting.]

4. In the mood for fast food? An average person will consume 12 pubic hairs in their fast food annually. Gross! [Ed. Note: "I'll have the McPube and a large snot fry, please, and one vanilla-spooge milkshake." "Thank you, drive through."]

5. It's summer time, and that means the pools are open! If you swim one hour in a public pool you will intake 1/12 liters of urine. [Ed. Note: Who is drinking liters of pool water? Pools are to swim in, not quench your thirst with.]

And just because it's precious:

6. Creepy crawling cockroaches. As if they aren't disgusting looking enough. These insects carry over 40 different pathogens which risk being transferred to humans. Included is pneumonia, plague, hepatitis, and typhoid fever just to name a few. [Ed. Note: Praise the small baby Jesus that I have never in my life encountered a real life cucaracha. I am so skeeved by them that I can't even look at the cockroach exhibit in the nocturnal house at the zoo. Thank God I do not live where cockroaches are prevalent. I won't name names, but, 

7. Need to use the bathroom? When a person pees, a small deposit of urine enters the mouth through the saliva glands. [Ed. Note: WUT. Just, WUT. I'd like to see the scientifical science on this plz.]

[I tried to find an image to fit this Fun Fact, but YOU just try to google "pee in mouth" and see what happens. I think I'll skip adding a photo this time.]

8. Need that morning jump? Next time you go out to the coffee shop think about this, diarrhea induced E.Coli was found on 10% of coffee mugs in the U.S. [Ed. Note: In addition to E.Coli hands handling your coffee mugs, have you ever seen lipstick on a glass of water you order? Think how much herpes that might contain.]

9. Enjoy a nice cup of yogurt? You might want to double check the ingredients again. Some yogurts and jelly sweets contain beef or pork gelatin. [Ed. Note: "Now introducing new Yoplait Pig Hoof flavor, with 25% less fat than original Yoplait Beef Toenail Delite!"]

10. Think you've got it bad when you vomit? The longest recorded projectile vomiting is 27 feet. I wonder what he ate. [Ed. Note: I just have one word for you: MY CAT OPIE'S PUKE. Remember this gem? I think Opie gave this man a run for his money.]

11. We all like a man who gives a nice firm hand shake. However, you might want to think twice before returning the firm grip. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and did not wash their hands. [Ed. Note: Men are fucking gross. The end.]

12. Through contact with door knobs, counter tops, and other daily objects your hand will come in contact with 15 penises a day. [Ed. Note: I'd be willing to bet that it was more like 9,000 penises.]

13. When we sleep we are the most relaxed and at peace. Who would've thought that while you are snoozing you were inhaling bugs! In a years time, most humans will consume 14 insects while in their sleep. [Ed: Note: Inhaling or ingesting? Let's be accurate here, people. Because I do not want 14 insects living in my alveoli.]

14. Having work done to your house? Research has shown that in a lifetime you will have had 22 workmen examine the dirty contents of your linen basket. [Ed. Note: When posting a Craigslist ad for a handyman, please make sure to specify "No panty sniffers need apply."]

15. Here comes the bride. Next time you're planning to attend a wedding reception you might want to bring a handkerchief. You have a 1/100 chance of taking home a cold sore from one of the guests. Cold sores are a form of oral herpes! [Ed. Note: How? Are you attending weddings and going around kissing 100 people on they moufs?]

There you have it. Fifteen Fun Phobic Facts for this Friday.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

I am desperate to create something. It's desperate. Painful. Agonizing. Core-deep. I want to write, something, anything. I have a desperate urge in me to create. And yet I can't think of anything to do.