tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-638044648722883832024-03-26T23:37:39.291-07:00Poop on a Hot Tin SlideJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.comBlogger210125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-72416596476102880732020-03-13T14:57:00.001-07:002020-03-13T14:57:26.056-07:00I never wanted to have to say I told you so, but I told you so. :-(Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-38809753186732826192014-01-29T09:06:00.002-08:002015-04-14T08:40:13.584-07:00The Girl Who Lived<b>Now presenting: Gross Things I Used to Do...Yet Somehow Survived.</b><br />
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I was in the shower this morning when I suddenly had a very clear memory of washing my hair in the sink as a preteen. Sounds innocuous, right? But I had very long hair and it used to go down the drain as I washed it. Like, the hair still attached to my scalp. Went down the drain. Down it. Not to mention it touched the entire inside of the sink bowl. Where you wash and rinse your filthy hands. And spit your toothpaste. This struck me as one of the grosser things people do without even realizing it's gross. But yes, I survived, scalp intact.<br />
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Still, it made me remember back to a <strike>fonder</strike> more horrifying time before OCD, when I did all kinds of gross things...and yet lived. For example:<br />
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I used to build "birds' nests" out of long strawlike grass, dirt, and water. I would make mud from the dirt and water, and take the straw grass and swirl it around in an old margerine container (which we used for cereal bowls before being told that to wash and reuse those plastic tubs CAUSES OMG CANCER). Then I'd apply the dirt-mud everso lovingly with my hands, patting, patting. Then I'd just carry on with life. Play on the monkeybars, go eat a sandwich, pick my nose, whatever. I have no memory of washing off the dirt-mud. <b>Yet somehow, I survived mud.</b><br />
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I used to catch spiders and keep them in jars. This is less a germ thing than a phobia thing, because you see, these days I am terrified, TERRIFUCKINGFIED of spiders. I recently heard this gem of a fun fact, that wolf spiders (which we have in great quantities around the Pacific Northwest) carry their fucking young on their hairy furry backs. So every time you see a wolf spider, it likely has a billion tiny wolf spiders riding around piggystyle. I've had horrific nightmares ever since.)<br />
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Point is, I am seriously, not just casually but seriously, afraid of spiders. But I used to catch them, play with them, observe them, attempt to feed them bologna, love them.<br />
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One time in 2nd grade, we all caught spiders for a class project, and mine was this enormous specimen the color of butter, with a great vast abdomen which I assumed to be full of wee butter-colored spiders. I loved her. Oh how I loved her. I'm sure I named her Charlotte of some bullshit.<br />
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I had her for weeks, and then when it came time to release our beauties back into the wild, this one fucknoggin named Luke Krupski (the same Luke Krupski whom I<i> used</i> to have a crush on, the one who puked all over during my 4th grade <a href="http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/2011/09/one-about-various-other-nasty-phobias.html">Year of the Stomach Flu</a>) <i>squished her.</i> Squished her dead. Within seconds of my releasing her, he stomped on her and gave a wild crazed chuckle as he did so. I cried, I literally sobbed for dear Charlotte. Because back then I did not scream, break a sweat, and piss my pants every time I saw a spider. I caught them and loved them. <b>Yet somehow, I survived spiders.</b><br />
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In a similar vein, one time when I was about 8, my favorite cousin Sara and I went on a day hike with the family. Now, she and I did all kinds of gross shit--we caught fat toads, held tadpole eggs, drank pond water, ate mayonnaise straight from the jar (bygones), rubbed moss on our wounds, kissed the drippy noses of horses, etc. When I visited her in the country, we <i>lived it up</i> in the wild. But this one time, her family and I went on a hike to a beautiful river near Sultan, WA. Sara and I discovered that everywhere we looked were these things called periwinkles. Wikipedia tells me that these are actually called Caddisflies, or more specifically, Caddisfly larva emerging from case made of plant material.<br />
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When we caught these, they looked like inch-long hollow brown sticks, open at both ends. Then a tiny little creeping thing would stick out its legs and they could scuttle all over. OH MY GOD I AM RETCHING AND HEAVING JUST THINKING ABOUT THEM. So anyway, Sara and I caught a shitload of periwinkles and kept them in this tupperware bowl and decided in our genius to bring them home with us. Well. Apparently, when kept out of water, or at room temp or just when ready to hatch, or whatthefuckever, they fucking crawl. ALL OVER. So we had dozens of periwinkles escaping our plastic bowl in the car on the ride home from our day hike. Periwinkles everywhere. I have goosebumps just thinking about it. My cousin and I eventually had to clean out the car by ourselves and rid the entire place of Caddisfly larvae. <b>Yet somehow, I survived periwinkles.</b><br />
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I used to share gum with people. If my little BFF Natasha had a piece of gum and I wanted some, she'd bite her current wad in half and give it to me. Like, the piece that was actually chewed up in her mouth. She'd "share." And I'd eagerly accept. If Peggy wanted some gum and I was snacking on one, I'd spit out a piece for her and she'd take it. I also used to share bites of everything, sips of everything, and licks of things like Ring Pops. I want to vom as I type this. <b>Yet somehow, I survived sharing gum and candy.</b><br />
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<b>I guess the point is, humans are resilient. We can survive gum-sharing and caddisfly larvae and mud. Maybe I should be less vigilant and less freaked out about germs? Then I think of how hard the common cold affects me, and I want to burn down the world and drown it in hand sani and bleach.</b><br />
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<b>Go with God, child. Go with God.</b><br />
<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-3914554801281813432014-01-24T09:37:00.002-08:002015-03-27T16:06:33.336-07:00Update on Your Favorite Person Evar, Me.So I guess it's been awhilst since I've updated. I know this due to a gentle prodding from a few of you. ;-) LOVE YOU!<br />
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Not much is new with me. I have no new reports about emetophobia or hoarding or the like. I'm still struggling in a winter world filled with flu, however. And over Christmas I had two, count 'em two, colds, back to back, plus a sinus infection and major nasal inflammation. Nothing touched it. Not major overdoses of Afrin, nor pseudoephedrine tablets. Not Mucinex, not cough syrup. Not the Neti Pot. Nothing cleared my nose. I could neither blow nor snort. I was stuffed UP, son. Stuffed UP. Stuffed.<br />
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Finally I got on antibiotics for my sinus infection and eventually things got better, but those were some hard days. Nothing like having your ears explode every single time you swallow, 1047823000 times a day. Nothing like waking up choking to death because you've had to <b>mouth-breath</b> while sleeping and your throat is stuck SHUT. Good times.<br />
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So I'm over that for now, but people wonder why I am so afraid of the common cold? It's because it affects me <i>so hard</i>.<br />
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The kids were super sick too, over the holidays. Hacking croupy coughs, poor angels. Everyone at the holiday gatherings looked at me like I was the Christmas Satan, sent straight from Hell to make sick every last one of thee. Which I guess I was.<br />
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Anyway. Now we're really into flu season, so God help me. Every time my kids and I are at a restaurant and they touch the undisinfected table and then eat a french fry, I quake. Every time my kids want to touch the elevator buttons, every sphincter in my body slams shut and I shout <i>NO!</i> Every time my kids ask to go to the McPlayPlace, I'm all, "r you evn srs rite nao"<br />
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Because it's flu season, motherfuckers. TEH FLU.<br />
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Today I think my biggest piece of news is that I'm getting my hairs did. I'm terrified though. I want to get the last inch or two of hair died bright red, but I'm scared to death. How stupid is that? Who am I trying to impress? Maybe, if you're lucky, I'll post a pic of me later after getting it done. Assuming I don't chicken out.<br />
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It's later. I got my hairs did. Here you go!</div>
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I confess that whenever I go in for a haircut or color or AWESOME RED-TIPPED ENDS, I freak out, fuh-reak OUT, about the "used brushes." How do they clean those motherfuckers? I actually witnessed, during my appointment, a stylist digging at her bristle brush and exclaiming, "It is so hard to get hair out of these!" So....how do they? She did mention the blessed, blessed word "Barbicide," thank you sweet baby Jesus for Barbicide, but still I worry so so very deeply about catching <a href="http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/2011/09/pediculus-humanus-capitis-scritch.html">the lice</a>.</div>
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I've got nothing else. Other than, flu season, bitches. Wash your hands every 15 minutes and don't touch anything at all ever.</div>
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-12962148522041285202013-11-01T16:52:00.001-07:002013-11-01T16:52:05.689-07:00Suck It, Trebek.<a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/centers-for-disease-contraction-urges-americans-to,34422/">CDC Urges Americans To Suck Doorknobs</a>Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-68910415309084282522013-10-02T08:16:00.002-07:002013-10-02T08:51:09.895-07:00Halloween: Where You Come Away With a Handful of Baby Ruths and Swine Flu.<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Ruth! Ruth! Ruth! Baby? Ruth!</b></div>
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Halloween is one of the most awesome times of the year. It's fall, so everything is damp and red and gold and cozy. You can start drinking pumpkin spice lattes, you can have a fire in the fireplace, you can curl up under your fleecy electric throw blanket, you can break out the Bath & Body Works Apple Harvest antibacterial foaming soap. And then on the 31st you get to give fun-size Twixes to little giraffes and baby Elmos and pint-size draculas. I love autumn, I love Halloween.<br />
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<b>What I don't love is all the bum-bum germs. </b><br />
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Nothing freaks me out more than walking around the local town center to trick-or-treat, seeing and hearing all the coughing, sneezing, sniveling robots and witches and ballerinas wipe their noses and then reach into the common bowl of treats, rifle through them, and select the perfect mini Snickers. Then it's my kids' turn to reach into the germ incubator and pick their fun-sized bar of crispity crunchety peanutbuttery influenza, whereupon later they will go home, paw through their sack of candy, tear open the wrappers, and stuff chocolate into their gaping maws. With hands now properly coated with the sputum of so many other children. Mmm.<br />
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So how can we remedy this? We can't. The end. Love, Jo.<br />
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OK, well, I do have an idea or two. Awhile back, a friend suggested that you could possibly kill all the germs with <strike>fire</strike> ice. She wondered if maybe by putting all the candy into the freezer, you might end up with not only deliciously frozen treats, but deactivated bum-bum germs. I think this is a remote possibility, although I tend to think that freezing your candy only cryogenically preserves the viruses, to be later reactivated by your warm fingers.<br />
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You could also clean each and every piece of wrapped candy with a Clorox wipe, but even I, who cleans off her groceries, think this is an inconvenience.<br />
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Rather, I think the better option is to come home from trick-or-treating, take off your shoes, wash your hands, use hand sanitizer (OK this is just my regular routine), but then here's the kicker, one by one open each (or a select bunch of) candies, throw away the wrappers, then rewash your hands and put all the unwrapped candies into a bowl or jar. Then your kid can snack from the bowl of treats and not have to touch the wrappers that so many sweaty, sticky little fingers have previously manhandled.<br />
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Overkill? Not during flu season, says I. I know you're rolling your eyes at me, but that is why you will be eating Skittles + Snivels, and Reece's Pieces of Poop, and Hershey Squirts, and Butt-fingers, and Goober Boogers, and BubbleTapeWorms, whereas my children will be eating bum-bum-germ-free delights. Thank you and good night.<br />
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-16644633190657625832013-08-19T11:47:00.000-07:002013-08-19T11:47:26.955-07:00Three Fine Ways to Avoid Bum-Bum Germs.We pick up bum-bum germs all day long, on our hands, our shoes, our cell phones, our purses, and so forth. But there are three big things you can do to remedy this nasty situation.<br />
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First: Take off your shoes when coming home. Do you ever think about the things you are tracking in? Dirt, bird poop, squirrel poop, dog poop, spit, gum, bum-bum germs galore. Would you lick the bottom of your shoes? I'm guessing that 99% of you would not, although I am excluding the Deep South from my facts and figures. So why would you walk on your floors and carpets or curl up on your bed or couch with your shoes on, and expect your kids to crawl, lie, or play on those now-yucky surfaces? Taking your shoes off at the door will prevent SO much muck from coming in, and hey, you won't have to clean your carpets as much. If you have a baby who is scooting or crawling, this is especially important. Because, groce.<br />
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Second: Wash your hands upon arriving home. After, naturally, taking off your shoes. Think of everything you touch while you are out: Shopping carts, gas pumps, doorknobs, escalator rails, your steering wheel, your cell phone, money, people's hands, restaurant salt & pepper shakers, and so forth. Maybe you even went to the doctor today and touched things that other sick people touched. Everything you can think of is crawling with germs. Colds, flu, fecal matter. Yummo. So as soon as you are home, lather up. Just get rid of all those things you've touched in the big scary world. Start fresh. This makes me feel like my home is a safe haven, free of the majority of "outside germs." If you're bringing your kids home from school, it's especially important to wash their hands, because school is a hotbed of disgustery.<br />
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Third: Never, ever put your purse or bag or wallet on the counter. <a href="http://www.stylelist.com/read/handbag-hygiene-what-is-lurking-in-your-purse/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl17%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D329177&a_dgi=aolshare_facebook">Handbags are teeming with germs</a>. They are dirtier than a toilet. Your purse handle touches everything you touch. You often place it on the floor of restaurants as you eat, or movie theaters as you get your World War Z on; it accompanies you to the public toilet and you handle it after doing your biznass; etc. The strap of your purse, the bottom of your purse, and the inside of your purse is filth-laden. Clean it on the regular, and never, EVER plop it on the kitchen counter along with your keys when you get home.<br />
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-6452020251700478422013-04-17T10:46:00.002-07:002013-04-17T11:11:30.404-07:00Why Don't We Just Eat the Zombies? They're Already Dead.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I came across a friend's talking about how she paid a visit to her local butcher. And I was thinking, "Butcher. What a truly bizarre profession. To slaughter animals all day long."<br />
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Now I am no vegetarian, although I eat very little meat just in passing. But to cut up and chop up and filet up and slice up and grind up animals all day long is just very...icky.<br />
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Not to mention the bum-bum germs. Someone has to yank out the poop chutes. And the grinding--think of all the airborne meat germs.<br />
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Although thank goodness somebody does it, because, steak.<br />
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In the event of Zombie Apocalypse, do you think you could slaughter your own food? Could you slit the throat of little Peter Cottontail? Does it matter what kind of animal? Maybe you could kill a chicken but not a goat? Do you think, if you had to, you could actually do it to keep your family alive?<br />
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-84241667643692073472013-04-09T14:30:00.001-07:002013-04-09T14:32:54.363-07:00Survivors.So the time has come to post again. I am still FRESH OUT, SON, of ideas. I mean, you can only blog about Purell and new Advanced Purell ("takes less to do the job"(TM)) so many times. So what now?<br />
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I think I'll free-associate here.<br />
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So my most recent meeting with Dr. P<br />
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As I was saying, my most recent meeting with DR MOTHERFUCKING P, went poorly. We kind of have nothing to talk about anymore. Kind of like me, and this blog. Nothing to talk about. He asked questions, but my answers to those questions we vague and were almost always "I don't know." Or, "I feel like, I don't know, it's complicated, I don't know."</div>
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So now what? He seems unwilling to delve deeper, like delve into the sources of my OCD (which I could easily explain to him, since <a href="http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/search/label/origins">I KNOW how they started</a>). He seems unwilling to talk about much at all, except for my meds.</div>
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Now, I feel a certain, <a href="http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-how-do-you-say-ah-yes-show-lyme-disease/n11139/">how do you say, oh yes</a>, kinship with this man. </div>
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I've been seeing him for at least a year and a half. So it would be traumatic to attempt to start seeing a new therapist, and having to explain the SAME SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN. So on one hand, I feel sort of bound to him. On the other, he's not really doing much for me. Other than carefully monitoring my medication--I can give him that much. (PS: Awesome sidenote--the meds I'm on, combined with a less-than-stellar diet, have caused me to gain approximately 2387438 pounds exactly. I am positively rotund. Bygones.)</div>
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So anyway, Dr. P. He seems to want to farm me out to another therapist--he's constantly on my case about seeing someone who specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)--which is a whole lot of "be present in the moment, acknowledge your pain, feel grounded, put your feet on the fucking floor, know that this too shall pass." Good advice for normal people. But I'm not normal.</div>
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I will continue this later, because as heretofore mentioned, I have nothing to say. A lot of words to say nothing I have to say, but still. I must go wash bottle nipples. Yes my two-year-old child still uses and loves her bottle. What of it?</div>
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More later.</div>
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It's later. I've currently got cupcakes burning in the oven, where my five-year-old drizzle-dripped that batter right the hell into those cupcake papers, or near enough. And then she licked her fingers. Salmon-to-the-ella, what what? Oh well, I survived, she will too. Maybe that's my Luvox talking, but we'll be OK. After a small bout of diarrhea.</div>
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The other day, we went to a birthday party at, get this, CHUCK E. FUCKING CHEESE. As if anything could be any grosser. So my kids touched tokens, and went on rides, and climbed climbers, and then ate horrible pizza, and yet survived. So far with no ill effects. Except for the E. Coli. Bygones.</div>
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Today I plan to take the kids to the park. I'm only doing it because I promised last night I would, so I can't get out of it.</div>
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Edit: Mission accomplished! We actually went to <i>two </i>parks. Go me! The kids had an absolute blast. Here are a bazillion pictures of the cutest chitlins ever:</div>
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Lots of fun, right? I even let them play in the dirt and gravel. Although I did periodically Purell them and when we came home I made them strip naked and wash their hands for four hours.</div>
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Love,</div>
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Jo</div>
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-68121571462013903612013-03-26T12:54:00.004-07:002013-03-26T12:54:49.999-07:00The Benjamins. Not just for snorting Cocaine.<a href="%2Ehttp://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-01-13/features/sc-cons-0112-save-dirty-money-20120113_1_dollar-coin-dollar-bill-swiss-franc">A study on the thingies what are found on your moneys.</a><br />
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"<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">In a 2002 study published in the Southern Medical Journal, researchers at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio found that <b>94 percent </b>of the 68 bills tested were contaminated with bacteria ... </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">7 percent harbored dangerous pathogens, including Klebsiella pneumoniae, which can cause infections such as pneumonia, and Staphylococcus aureus, which can cause skin and other infections. Other experiments have found the fecal bacteria E. Coli."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Are you willing to take the risk, ARE YOU??</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">" '</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Paper money is a good conduit of germs,' said Tierno, author of <i>The Secret Life of Germs</i>, "--the older ones more so."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><b>Don't care about E.Coli? How about snow, blow, crack, weasel dust, and paradise white?</b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Paper currency certainly is a good conduit of cocaine. A 2009 University of Massachusetts study that tested 234 bank notes from 18 U.S. cities found <b>90 percent</b> of the bills tested positive for cocaine."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Also, "</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">A 2001 study of 10 one-dollar bills, published in Forensic Science International, also found 70 percent contaminated with heroin, 30 percent with methamphetamine and 20 percent with PCP."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Don't be licking your dollar bills, son. Lest you go on a bad, bad trip.</span>Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-88546660487548647342013-03-21T09:24:00.000-07:002013-03-21T09:32:33.520-07:00Squimming Pools.When I was young, I used to go swimming in our little alligator swimming pool in the back yard. Do you remember those alligator swimming pools? They were green hard plastic and had a super tiny like two-foot slide into the water. I was a child of the 1980s (Generra Hypercolor, what what), so maybe you young whippersnappers don't remember alligator swimming pools, but trust me, they were kickass.<br />
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Well. During those hot summers, I'd play in our alligator pool, but then, we'd let the water sit and stagnate. It would sit for the entire summer. But I'd still put on my Strawberry Shortcake swimsuit or my fantastic neon suit with the squiggles all over it, and I'd go outside during the dog days and bob about in it.<br />
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Most of the time there were mosquito larvae squimming in the water.<br />
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I'd still play in it.<br />
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I'd swim, me and those larvae. I'd swim.</div>
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Which might be the reason today that I nuke our hot tub with fire <a href="http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/2012/07/this-blog-is-too-long-for-you-to-even.html">and put 18 cups of chlorine in our kiddie pool, burning the eyes and flesh of my children.</a></div>
<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-37414639445558798812013-03-09T14:05:00.003-08:002013-03-09T14:05:50.651-08:00School 'n Jell-O 'n Aliens. Schelloliens.So back when my older chitlin was 4ish years old, and we put her in preschool, she was getting sick every 2 to 3 hours. Like, we'd send her to class and she catch her 17th concurrent illness. Measles, mumps, AND Rubella. Shigella. Diphtheria. Tetanus. SARS. Hep A B C D and E. North Korean Kangaroo Flu. Pancreatic cancer. She caught everything. In other words, SICK ALL THE TIME.<br />
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After maybe four or five U.S. American months, we withdrew her from class, because (A) as heretofore mentioned, she was sick all of the time with all of the things; (2) it was expensive as hell; and (3) she fucking hated school. So why pay for it?</div>
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A year later, we put her back in school. This time she loved it. Loved class, loved her teachers. So we were hell-bent on making this work.</div>
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Lo and behold, she got sick every 3.275 hours. Such is the life of a Pre-K child I suppose. Such is the life of any school-age kid. Because parents can't seem to make sure they keep their violently ill child home in order to avoid the spread of the sick. Sniffle? Send 'em to school. Vomiting? Send 'em to school. Bloody diarrhea? Send 'em to school. Mouth sores and peeling skin? Send 'em to school. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_hairy_tongue">Black hairy tongue</a>? Send 'em to school.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">YOU'RE WELCOME.</span></b></div>
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But. It got better. Maya went at least three months between colds. I was shocked and amazed. This is the kid who got four colds on top of each other and was sick non-stop, non-to-the-stizzop. But now she was going entire flu seasons without getting ill. Fuck yeah! Thank you, obsessive handwashing and flu vaccines. Thank you Heavenly Father and thank you Lady Luck. Thank you unicorns and thank you fairy dust. Thank you Purell Advanced. Thank you dear 8 pounds 6 ounce newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, lying there in your ghost manger, just looking at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' about shapes and colors. Thank you.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wherein John Christopher Reilly barely stifles a laugh at W. Ferrell's ad-libbed shenanigans.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Where am I going with all this information? I have no idea. Noooooooo idea. No i-deer.</span></div>
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Other than to say, it gets better. I guess. With the exception of a rough start to the school year, we've been really, really lucky not to get fatally sick this season.*** Of course, there's always next. There's always room for E-C-O-L-I.</div>
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I'll have you know that the aforementioned jpeg won out over all other fantastic search results, including the following: </div>
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Classic Jell-O</div>
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Zombie Jell-O</div>
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Ugly Jell-O</div>
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Jell-O Invasion</div>
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And Cosby Jell-O.</div>
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Because, Georgio Tsoukalos . And Jell-O. Just, Jell-O.</div>
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How have you and YOURS been this cold & flu season? Well, I hope.</div>
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*** And now cue rampant norovirus, now that I've made all these claims straight in the face of superstitions.</div>
<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-57323903995463524282013-03-08T09:59:00.000-08:002013-03-08T09:59:05.271-08:00It Never Fails.So I finally crawled out of my hermit shell and invited friends over for a playdate. My friend has two daughters like I do, the same age as Maya and Naomi. We had a fun time, gossiping about the neighbors and talking Reality TV and just enjoying ourselves. It was nice to have adult company for once.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
Wouldn't you know it.<br />
<br />
I received an email later saying that my friend's daughter had the barfing flu. Only hours after she left our house. After playing within mere centimeters of each other and chewing on toys and sharing a bowl of Goldfish and accidentally using the same sippy and such.<br />
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It never fails.<br />
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In the same vein, I haven't seen my <a href="http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/2011/08/acid-test.html">Acid Test</a> friends in like five months, but let me tell you this: let me tell you that if I bit the bullet and called them up and went out for dinner or drinks or played at home with the kids, let me tell you that I would receive news mere hours after the get-together that my friend's daughter had a severe strep infection or pinkeye or a raging case of the trots or airborne diabetes. We're talking Captain Trips all up in here.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO7WY1wgKSMLACfgucXal4QL26KZVw0AfclXyO__nzbEcLNEACloqSQfsJZg4BYJUTDiBsyppLuvPCtbUm4T3hmlRYjUYR-3D9WbVD9WirwGg9wlTXPDHrEqjD2qmorAELlUy6aZ_a8w/s1600/captain+trips.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO7WY1wgKSMLACfgucXal4QL26KZVw0AfclXyO__nzbEcLNEACloqSQfsJZg4BYJUTDiBsyppLuvPCtbUm4T3hmlRYjUYR-3D9WbVD9WirwGg9wlTXPDHrEqjD2qmorAELlUy6aZ_a8w/s320/captain+trips.jpg" width="210" /></a></div>
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Hear me now, believe me later. It would happen.<br />
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So I can't seem to win. Sure, my daughter had a nice time playing with a buddy. And I loved hanging with my friend too. But seriously, the stomach flu? I can't win.<br />
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-53148047058169968542013-02-23T19:34:00.002-08:002013-02-23T19:35:56.075-08:00Dark Water.<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/20/us/california-hotel-water-corpse">I'm just gonna leave this here.</a><br />
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<i>It can never be good when the URL includes the words Hotel + Water + Corpse. I'm just saying.</i><br />
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"Tourists staying at a Los Angeles hotel bathed, brushed teeth and drank water from a tank in which a young woman's body was likely decomposing for more than two weeks, police said." ...<br />
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"The water did have a funny taste," Sabrina Baugh told CNN on Wednesday. She and her husband used the water for eight days.<br />
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A funny taste. A funny taste. <b>EIGHT DAYS. OF CORPSE. EIGHT DAYS OF CORPSE WATER.</b> Could the funny taste be maggots and flesh rot? Funny. A funny taste. Hilarious.<br />
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"The shower was awful," she said. "When you turned the tap on, the water was coming black first for two seconds and then it was going back to normal."<br />
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<b>Black. Black corpse water. Corpse water. Showering in a dead body.</b><br />
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The end.Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-36711714048254079162013-02-15T13:22:00.001-08:002013-02-15T13:42:08.523-08:00Fun Phobic Fact Friday!<a href="http://voices.yahoo.com/gross-facts-may-never-wanted-know-361660.html?cat=69">MEGA EDITION</a>.<br />
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1. Ever have a craving for a peanut butter sandwich? That thick, yummy, and creamy goodness. In one pound of peanut butter, it typically can contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs. <b>[Ed. Note: Who's making these sandwiches, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ratatouille_(film)">Remy</a>??]</b><br />
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<a href="http://a.dolimg.com/en-US/disneyfans/media/properties/ratatouille/main/ratatouille_352x234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://a.dolimg.com/en-US/disneyfans/media/properties/ratatouille/main/ratatouille_352x234.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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2. House flies go to the bathroom roughly every 4.5 minutes. Think about that next time you see one fly on your delicious dinner. <b>[Ed. Note: "House flies go to the bathroom" strikes me as a ridiculous way to phrase it. I think "House flies visit the lavat'ry" would be much better.]</b><br />
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3. Step outside and smell the roses. On a daily average you will inhale 1 liter of others anal gasses.<br />
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<a href="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y36/joellena1/960dec67-19b3-4e2b-a922-95336199dfac_zps5128696d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y36/joellena1/960dec67-19b3-4e2b-a922-95336199dfac_zps5128696d.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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4. In the mood for fast food? An average person will consume 12 pubic hairs in their fast food annually. Gross! <b>[Ed. Note: Are the fast food workers folding your quesadilla betwixt their legs? Seriously guys, <i><a href="http://hadonejob.com/">you had one job</a></i>.]</b><br />
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5. It's summer time, and that means the pools are open! If you swim one hour in a public pool you will intake 1/12 liters of urine. <b>[Ed. Note: "But urine is sterile!!" all you filth monsters insist. (1) It's not sterile when it exits through a person's junk; and (2) even if that were true, who wants to ingest sterile urine anyway?]</b><br />
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6. Creepy crawling cockroaches. As if they aren't disgusting looking enough. These insects carry over 40 different pathogens which risk being transferred to humans. Included is pneumonia, plague, hepatitis, and typhoid fever just to name a few.<br />
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7. Need to use the bathroom? When a person pees, a small deposit of urine enters the mouth through the saliva glands. <b>[Ed. Note: I didn't realize that one's ureters were directly connected to their mouth. lol.]</b><br />
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8. Need that morning jump? Next time you go out to the coffee shop think about this, diarrhea induced E.Coli was found on 10% of coffee mugs in the U.S. <b>[Ed. Note: I'll have a grande nonfat</b><b> vanilla</b><b> soy bum-bum germs latte, please. Hold the whip.]</b><br />
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9. Enjoy a nice cup of yogurt? You might want to double check the ingredients again. Some yogurts and jelly sweets contain beef or pork gelatin. <b>[Ed. Note: That's what gelatin is. Horse hoofs and such as. Ever eat Jell-O? Same thing.]</b><br />
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10. Think you've got it bad when you vomit? The longest recorded projectile vomiting is 27 feet. I wonder what he ate. <b>[Ed. Note: Yeah? You think that's impressive? Well the longest cat projectile vomit was eight feet.]</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZK65a8nbaB4b6q9rf-C341OITHLc4fO9jPKFsQFoCkp-2WHPg1zQh-rOD9FVPaqgLhmejzfKcJhYad5fzuAj6pf5ZXbSo-ryPGFVCS5AiyXxTFMkGe6-eZBFwyK4OhvjA_D3ijW7lBg/s1600/opie_puke.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZK65a8nbaB4b6q9rf-C341OITHLc4fO9jPKFsQFoCkp-2WHPg1zQh-rOD9FVPaqgLhmejzfKcJhYad5fzuAj6pf5ZXbSo-ryPGFVCS5AiyXxTFMkGe6-eZBFwyK4OhvjA_D3ijW7lBg/s320/opie_puke.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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11. We all like a man who gives a nice firm hand shake. However, you might want to think twice before returning the firm grip. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and did not wash their hands.<br />
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12. Through contact with door knobs, counter tops, and other daily objects your hand will come in contact with 15 penises a day. <b>[Ed. Note: At least it's not <a href="http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/its-over-9000-penises">9,000 penises</a>.]</b><br />
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13. When we sleep we are the most relaxed and at peace. Who would've thought that while you are snoozing you were inhaling bugs! In a years time, most humans will consume 14 insects while in their sleep. <b>[Ed. Note: Someone should tell the author that inhaling is different from consuming. Lung spiders are bad mmkay?]</b><br />
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14. Having work done to your house? Research has shown that in a lifetime you will have had 22 workmen examine the dirty contents of your linen basket. <b>[Ed. Note: Who is leaving the Fios guy alone long enough for him to sneak into your laundry room??]</b><br />
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15. Here comes the bride. Next time you're planning to attend a wedding reception you might want to bring a hanker chief. You have a 1/100 chance of taking home a cold sore from one of the guests. Cold sores are a form of oral herpes! <b>[Ed. Note: Why weddings? And how? Are you going around taking sips out of everyone's champagne?]</b><br />
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<b>Phifteen phun phobic phacts for you to enjoy.</b><br />
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<b>Love,</b><br />
<b>Jo</b>Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-48711491056402634632013-01-03T16:17:00.000-08:002013-01-03T16:24:16.152-08:00Sick like the Dog.So over here we've all been sick. First I puked (ALL OVER THE CARPET).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZ_IzjoDm64oh22TAg265pxICyupRjHUcUhCYAbMio6Oeo-sceRnnb2xPkJtt-e-lL6cbVhoeijoGfQoffjaW3sdyraHKOLwKRnJW1omD2OyOKvxycWWkfWJfmnE8PkNJfzWVwQguHg/s1600/centipedes+it's+more+likely+than+you+think+vomit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZ_IzjoDm64oh22TAg265pxICyupRjHUcUhCYAbMio6Oeo-sceRnnb2xPkJtt-e-lL6cbVhoeijoGfQoffjaW3sdyraHKOLwKRnJW1omD2OyOKvxycWWkfWJfmnE8PkNJfzWVwQguHg/s320/centipedes+it's+more+likely+than+you+think+vomit.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Then Maya had a bought of about 7 pukes overnight in her bed, and during the next day, and then Naomi threw up once. Needless to say, this house smells like ralph, no matter how much carpet cleaner I use and no matter how many baths we give the kids and no matter how many holiday-scented candles I burn.<br />
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And there is no end to the laundry I've been doing. We have a LOT of blankets in this house, and we are totally out. They're all in the wash.<br />
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I'm not sure if it's norovirus or what. ( I hear 'tis the season for it.) But we've been very unhappy. For the last two days Maya has eaten two Saltines and three spoonfuls of chicken & stars. Can't even keep water down. Luckily today she bounding around like nothing happened, although her appetite isn't quite back. Me, I'll still feel really nauseated. Want to barf ALL the time.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMgjQj-gX3xZKC4yI37dOGg1sKD0RpspAP6tMwpCgmloBQeOg1wfQSMCOf-YUt01Z10DeysLqC7rK5iGHwNee-sDz4s1M2rxn6stP12zKpaU-oLajXt_Z9aFE9Mh6F9qaMtyVMss2EUg/s1600/sick-all-the-time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMgjQj-gX3xZKC4yI37dOGg1sKD0RpspAP6tMwpCgmloBQeOg1wfQSMCOf-YUt01Z10DeysLqC7rK5iGHwNee-sDz4s1M2rxn6stP12zKpaU-oLajXt_Z9aFE9Mh6F9qaMtyVMss2EUg/s320/sick-all-the-time.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Let's the hub doesn't catch this things, because it's been miserable.<br />
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But for once, I have been able to comfort my babies with hugs and kisses, instead of feeling like they are <a href="http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/2011/11/mom-of-year.html">poison.</a>. I am able to love them, and kiss them, and hug them, and snuggle them, and hole their hair back, and wash out barf buckets. You know, like normal moms. I think my new anti-anxiety med, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroxyzine">Vistaril</a>, continues to work, even though it makes me sore sleepy.Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-7589547621433571872013-01-02T11:38:00.002-08:002013-01-02T11:40:40.931-08:00<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Who among here prays?</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjawDr9QfdW_9_m5uRbjtUwTz9sgjF-sJZW4c2oyHGACz6z7u1dVBjfyDq17CieWcQ2M7wxgBMr_J1E-MLsnwF3Td_fKxVNvbpLXuTI_Wc3oHUPfwuujtLe-dLGY3GyN5_nsAdYVgVbHQ/s1600/prayer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjawDr9QfdW_9_m5uRbjtUwTz9sgjF-sJZW4c2oyHGACz6z7u1dVBjfyDq17CieWcQ2M7wxgBMr_J1E-MLsnwF3Td_fKxVNvbpLXuTI_Wc3oHUPfwuujtLe-dLGY3GyN5_nsAdYVgVbHQ/s400/prayer.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-54767332846505525522013-01-01T11:55:00.001-08:002013-01-01T11:55:59.771-08:00Bathing With Your Beloved. Usually Disgusting, but Consider This.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Speaking of communal bathing......</div>
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S<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoPbWJc-SblmN3iJyYWU6As2BjL2fkwa2SSkmrXU5aN00OgBOIa9TGgykcDv2HxiZ8ypq4QOO69NpLNKbxJjV-xsNMHlSM_oiYFlsIadPanV9gZO8m2sFZuRFuaugo7O0RZPym0cIbQ/s1600/double+dual+bathing+bath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoPbWJc-SblmN3iJyYWU6As2BjL2fkwa2SSkmrXU5aN00OgBOIa9TGgykcDv2HxiZ8ypq4QOO69NpLNKbxJjV-xsNMHlSM_oiYFlsIadPanV9gZO8m2sFZuRFuaugo7O0RZPym0cIbQ/s400/double+dual+bathing+bath.jpg" width="278" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">"I love you, baby." - "I love you right back." "And your toe won't even accidentally enter my bits."</span></b></div>
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Sexy, segregated, sanitary. No soaking in each other's bumbum germs. Perfection. Will be installing one of these the moment we win the lottery.</div>
<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-22422694638413650262012-12-31T12:12:00.000-08:002012-12-31T12:32:03.961-08:00The Dirt on Clean.For Christmas, my cousin got me a book. It's called <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Dirt-Clean-Unsanitized-History/dp/0374531374/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356983409&sr=8-1&keywords=the+dirt+on+clean">The Dirt on Clean: An Unsanitized History</a></i>, by Katherine Ashenburg.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDlI1huMLCHfmHA1Ok1UjU5Sp72bDL0rInzuKVRR6uOiS3phcNHf1T_MaJrUai5vC5Kh0PCUaAd2BBd7Jwl4imuAS06E9__xeWb4-jpA7OpbaccnKp8x9ZyL4qMJY4DuH8PEOJn0Xm4Q/s1600/the+dirt+on+clean.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDlI1huMLCHfmHA1Ok1UjU5Sp72bDL0rInzuKVRR6uOiS3phcNHf1T_MaJrUai5vC5Kh0PCUaAd2BBd7Jwl4imuAS06E9__xeWb4-jpA7OpbaccnKp8x9ZyL4qMJY4DuH8PEOJn0Xm4Q/s320/the+dirt+on+clean.jpg" width="188" /></a></div>
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<b>It could not be more perfect for me. It is at once horrifying, fascinating, vomit-inducing, engrossing, and fucking pure awesome.</b><br />
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There are quotes spattered throughout the book. For example, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius">Marcus Aurelius</a> said at one point during his life from 121 to 180 AD, "What is bathing when you think of it? Oil, sweat, filth, greasy water, everything revolting."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsRB0WODZ-oXk5CyJe2YhlPwgjEVON2a5Mg9s5sqSlhFQTo_i4qG76GkVVRoVZ1VMkpeaEttQuNjY6Ho9ZjcP8OcyqtxICxaHjTQmP49A0gYLlnp8ytyMNVWwn5MYRtYGjZf34QCdQHg/s1600/marcus+aurelius+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsRB0WODZ-oXk5CyJe2YhlPwgjEVON2a5Mg9s5sqSlhFQTo_i4qG76GkVVRoVZ1VMkpeaEttQuNjY6Ho9ZjcP8OcyqtxICxaHjTQmP49A0gYLlnp8ytyMNVWwn5MYRtYGjZf34QCdQHg/s320/marcus+aurelius+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. Baths are the grossest thing ever, unless you shower thoroughly first and wash all your naughty bits. And bathing <i>with</i> someone else? Unacceptable.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLMWOHr9VNYpUUWy2EFocJjzsiv1gh3z5Zs1ZW0OVHE0oVRBvMjI9n2ouOFGha6Ha-LVUc5KEieICkGtGhuKonq6ClP-OJT77tmFmgEQigVlVA5x5QV1ftS7tgYfwVoKVllBR5LmS41Q/s1600/clean-all-the-things_buttholes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLMWOHr9VNYpUUWy2EFocJjzsiv1gh3z5Zs1ZW0OVHE0oVRBvMjI9n2ouOFGha6Ha-LVUc5KEieICkGtGhuKonq6ClP-OJT77tmFmgEQigVlVA5x5QV1ftS7tgYfwVoKVllBR5LmS41Q/s320/clean-all-the-things_buttholes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Also, when delving into the medieval period, the book states, "We don't know how and how often people washed, ... but plausible estimates are 'not thoroughly' and 'seldom.' "<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKl7uD9PIR8CZMRqgArOeIFtCrheBar3mWnTacRWXD-hONIJWMtiaaFbUwx0A9-rOKzAevMTSsnCJ2zARTFkU4X5O9yOv6F6QTy3K2BLsffKPPWbd-WACrblQug7cue3TJAMpNxXAjKA/s1600/dirtyhands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKl7uD9PIR8CZMRqgArOeIFtCrheBar3mWnTacRWXD-hONIJWMtiaaFbUwx0A9-rOKzAevMTSsnCJ2zARTFkU4X5O9yOv6F6QTy3K2BLsffKPPWbd-WACrblQug7cue3TJAMpNxXAjKA/s320/dirtyhands.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Imagine your whole body looking like this.</span></b></div>
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Another revolting quote, this time from Ulrich, a monk of Cluny circa 1075, states "As to our baths, there is not much we can say, for we only bathe twice a year before Christmas and before Easter."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiljb6m9R-gK3PGEjRP3vJjBldQtnErQ30r3uw3AI9iQFbCHkwp3O7rEQnvhi7aaaLnFb1bqfKNo4Y3Z4LPImLma5ix8of_wfeJN23XK8pOVr-06HpC1CNOacLsEbpsGVe0pVzjdK7Jmg/s1600/screaming-kid1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiljb6m9R-gK3PGEjRP3vJjBldQtnErQ30r3uw3AI9iQFbCHkwp3O7rEQnvhi7aaaLnFb1bqfKNo4Y3Z4LPImLma5ix8of_wfeJN23XK8pOVr-06HpC1CNOacLsEbpsGVe0pVzjdK7Jmg/s320/screaming-kid1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">So glad you at least get clean for Jesus.</span></b><br />
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The book also talks about how, for most of our recordable history, when people "bathed" at all, it involved rubbing oil on your body and scraping it off with something called a strigil.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQB3Etpycn8LaFjuqSUHjH6Cz4QE2LQvjpzCu53eHqldELi4DZf27Yqsn4xnbG-A8uzT3TBb30TrrLpx8dPHgUuwss6w8jLpRFlcpOO6AX5dEgV2nForOCPKRONyREnjb48gx3lj8H3w/s1600/strigil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQB3Etpycn8LaFjuqSUHjH6Cz4QE2LQvjpzCu53eHqldELi4DZf27Yqsn4xnbG-A8uzT3TBb30TrrLpx8dPHgUuwss6w8jLpRFlcpOO6AX5dEgV2nForOCPKRONyREnjb48gx3lj8H3w/s320/strigil.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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When "soap" was invented, it was made from animal fat and ashes. Mmm. Bath & Body Works should come up with a new foaming hand wash called "Antibacterial Donkey Lard."<br />
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I am still in the process of reading this gem of a book, and I shall promptly report back with further horrifying details. There is an entire chapter entitled, "But Didn't They<i> Smell</i>?"<br />
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That they did, Sonny Jim. That they did.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRyqlQLhN-ETSCTqgChiY9eJuYm9fsrh7n_dL7c7tm1CaAR-pXYmu4BN56CyZNWkNeAa0KUrTZX7fMnMTasJObWYdUX2A9Tut8K3vgnnD1tdZMvS4-UstZevSMskiV6p3x3A2hRgKSHA/s1600/dystentery+oregon+trail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRyqlQLhN-ETSCTqgChiY9eJuYm9fsrh7n_dL7c7tm1CaAR-pXYmu4BN56CyZNWkNeAa0KUrTZX7fMnMTasJObWYdUX2A9Tut8K3vgnnD1tdZMvS4-UstZevSMskiV6p3x3A2hRgKSHA/s320/dystentery+oregon+trail.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Also, here's a baby lamb.</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9I2ssZxSEaxl5zFUcaIjHxsElR7kYFSF0o7bThw9-VwcD_yl-rditCPDq6d9IMVhDH18L6InXs2djCv3HVyqJnuJAfDkoTTVClvzT2PgSe0I97405ga0KdxoWg7hX3_VAYqFqYhqKmg/s1600/baby_lamb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9I2ssZxSEaxl5zFUcaIjHxsElR7kYFSF0o7bThw9-VwcD_yl-rditCPDq6d9IMVhDH18L6InXs2djCv3HVyqJnuJAfDkoTTVClvzT2PgSe0I97405ga0KdxoWg7hX3_VAYqFqYhqKmg/s320/baby_lamb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-65497806245903282392012-12-29T13:58:00.002-08:002012-12-29T14:26:01.158-08:00T&A Time.<div style="text-align: center;">
Sorry, I meant Q&A Time.</div>
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I'm so out of ideas for this blog that it's not even funny. And then it's funny and then not funny again.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrR7YIsV6hVYNHNYAWCH2IEjW9JrZRIePP3zQ_LBrCgsMwmBjCdfV1nTtE-JofLuppQkLiJMtBcIqTM-KCsX3tT5MM0A-wUUsgrlwyRehuRFCFtm5M0vAQXfL5njALSizLCFqqM-0L8Q/s1600/not_fun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrR7YIsV6hVYNHNYAWCH2IEjW9JrZRIePP3zQ_LBrCgsMwmBjCdfV1nTtE-JofLuppQkLiJMtBcIqTM-KCsX3tT5MM0A-wUUsgrlwyRehuRFCFtm5M0vAQXfL5njALSizLCFqqM-0L8Q/s320/not_fun.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
So let's do a little question-and-answer session.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Is there anything I haven't covered that you want to ask me? Or something you want more dirty deets about?</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">ASK ME ANYTHING!!</span></b></div>
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Help me find<i> something</i> to write about, my beloveds. Or even if you are a perfect stranger. Just ask!<br />
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PLEEEEEEEEEASE.</div>
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-9416034096279520342012-12-24T13:05:00.003-08:002012-12-24T13:05:54.721-08:00This Post Is Entirely Unrelated to OCD.*Just cute pictures of my kids.<br />
<br />
We did Santa pictures twice. The first time the kids were all decked out, but Naomi was a whiny little cuss and her dress was all a mess and such. So the second time, we took them in matching jammies (since Santa always wears jammies) and the picture turned out much better. So here they are!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdNs3BxaXbf_n0cn8BOQddOdj5lIoBwt9lS6Zw8fjCS_-4esyiQArY84zsWvXQDp0VFGlLptqohPFVfO2C9ChDdBDXs3wAjpZgUeeI3KnHlgJt3Azv1x0ntqW0pQhqP3EhZZjS3xSi1Q/s1600/2012Santa01.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdNs3BxaXbf_n0cn8BOQddOdj5lIoBwt9lS6Zw8fjCS_-4esyiQArY84zsWvXQDp0VFGlLptqohPFVfO2C9ChDdBDXs3wAjpZgUeeI3KnHlgJt3Azv1x0ntqW0pQhqP3EhZZjS3xSi1Q/s400/2012Santa01.jpeg" width="282" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyMuCgxF3lxLjWDaUZmOOJr3bAeLN1rGfEF_JZHXYQ6gaOb98T0MvW0eONcvKzfkNs1jGBoPpw08aHfik0rWVCN_BWpKlMaWsx-DyFHykCk0OqMotXCpBGtrqcManfnWbqE4fQA9YS3A/s1600/2012Santa02.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyMuCgxF3lxLjWDaUZmOOJr3bAeLN1rGfEF_JZHXYQ6gaOb98T0MvW0eONcvKzfkNs1jGBoPpw08aHfik0rWVCN_BWpKlMaWsx-DyFHykCk0OqMotXCpBGtrqcManfnWbqE4fQA9YS3A/s400/2012Santa02.jpeg" width="282" /></a></div>
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* I lied, this is OCD-related. I always break into a cold sweat when I see Santa's hands touch my kids (or worse yet, as in that first picture, where my kids actually touch Santa's hands).** Also I worry about them catching lice or bedbugs or the flu from all the other kids Santa has held. But you can't skip Santa pictures. You just can't. I just had to double my anti-anxiety medication, is all.<br />
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** And don't even get me started on the time I took my one-and-a-half month old baby to see Santa. Her face actually touched his beard. His BEARD. But I can't complain because it is the most precious picture ever to exist in this world. Ever. Like, I could win a Major Award with this shit.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivm1bqIC9rzXXm_j8gVOafGFnoQI1bNk-qZ77VCGathkSNgEcK96ky-A2wjARyW_ODGQHp0ibXz8XFkSZZJNksjRqSKJBEOqsLvaAsVVleyF8ny9L8FzXGoL602zUZNTIDBadkxdYJ9A/s1600/santa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivm1bqIC9rzXXm_j8gVOafGFnoQI1bNk-qZ77VCGathkSNgEcK96ky-A2wjARyW_ODGQHp0ibXz8XFkSZZJNksjRqSKJBEOqsLvaAsVVleyF8ny9L8FzXGoL602zUZNTIDBadkxdYJ9A/s400/santa.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Merry Christmas, beloved friends. I hope you have a wonderful holiday and that the New Year treats you well. And I hope that none of you catches Salmonella from the homemade eggnog.</span></b></div>
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<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-39979366614842626812012-12-14T08:51:00.000-08:002012-12-14T08:51:42.917-08:00Fun Phobic Fact...Furday?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieCvywDVJouGJ2FQBm6UOe46SoM0nfhHAZKDfLh7XkiJ1wXVhp0AkYJHvmLy_V9vHRYyugLivw4ZnsI_StQ7ZP43vKSsHUT-C1EgeLOyOJMkKAXnb6_ZZTZaqrEHyDeopgLsh-_EjEdQ/s1600/catuum.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieCvywDVJouGJ2FQBm6UOe46SoM0nfhHAZKDfLh7XkiJ1wXVhp0AkYJHvmLy_V9vHRYyugLivw4ZnsI_StQ7ZP43vKSsHUT-C1EgeLOyOJMkKAXnb6_ZZTZaqrEHyDeopgLsh-_EjEdQ/s320/catuum.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Catuum</span></div>
Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-33707250539935677642012-12-08T15:18:00.001-08:002012-12-08T15:18:13.975-08:00please dear god why did i watch the health inspectors on the food network why<br />
<br />
chicken<br />
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raw chicken contaminating everything<br />
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whyJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-47173869576089464692012-12-07T07:24:00.002-08:002012-12-07T07:25:37.191-08:00Fun Friendly Phobic Fact Friday.<br />
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So I was watching Dr. Oz on TV (MEHMET!!) and he was talking about all the hidden dangers of dining out, and the "secrets servers don't want you to know."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxop8XdF9Ky0P_jr3Byk2FeTKHkOjNZxllnsHLWqSTvHWwIWkbELEv94GK57WDL1y3uhZ3EKO-PLrex7lpgOrxcP_Pmdj1jgSAT-Exi39XLjIJLZMD7eAF82_TRQ-R8eq4aVf0M97fvA/s1600/dr+oz+secret+server.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxop8XdF9Ky0P_jr3Byk2FeTKHkOjNZxllnsHLWqSTvHWwIWkbELEv94GK57WDL1y3uhZ3EKO-PLrex7lpgOrxcP_Pmdj1jgSAT-Exi39XLjIJLZMD7eAF82_TRQ-R8eq4aVf0M97fvA/s320/dr+oz+secret+server.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I am all incognito-like</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
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Of course I felt it was my duty to share these findings with you, my friends and lovers.<br />
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<ul>
<li>One Helpful Hint was to never, ever order fish on Sunday or Monday. It's usually old and groce.</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzvqqPgknhyphenhyphenKk__NzC6ehhONupfB1J3oH7IGgWN-VYmGOouoauoma63muLcdXNoY58L7tCUFaKJzj0La0ZLSI-FYJI2D0uRetkeQtjU5lARE_FugJ5riQlh_osOlNBXJ8zuxu2ycQ7Kw/s1600/dr+oz+fish.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzvqqPgknhyphenhyphenKk__NzC6ehhONupfB1J3oH7IGgWN-VYmGOouoauoma63muLcdXNoY58L7tCUFaKJzj0La0ZLSI-FYJI2D0uRetkeQtjU5lARE_FugJ5riQlh_osOlNBXJ8zuxu2ycQ7Kw/s320/dr+oz+fish.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<ul>
<li>Also, if you order your steak well-done, you are likely getting rotten meat (or, "meat that's not as fresh as it should be," according to the man who tried to back-track). You will 100% of the time get a cut that sucks, because cooking it up well-done masks the flavor and it will be tough anyway, so they do not give you the best cuts. Go for medium or medium-rare instead.</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Buffets. The bane of my existence. The food is often overcooked and left out way too long, causing food-borne illness. Plus, all those sneezes and all the people touching the serving utensils...ugh. Never eat from trays that are mostly empty, as these have been sitting out way too long.</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlrh0HXJWNw-Q_ezjr3vRxQ0xfo_tsgyLft9EyBgtAjHXl-98KhcDqDnYAdAPpcCEhR_PLROx1KP9xYhIrrycAY65HiOj07JKTKpsohDbO7vN7TMnFexzVy_vP7pHgxEo1sBcgW9U2FQ/s1600/dr+oz+buffet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlrh0HXJWNw-Q_ezjr3vRxQ0xfo_tsgyLft9EyBgtAjHXl-98KhcDqDnYAdAPpcCEhR_PLROx1KP9xYhIrrycAY65HiOj07JKTKpsohDbO7vN7TMnFexzVy_vP7pHgxEo1sBcgW9U2FQ/s320/dr+oz+buffet.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<ul>
<li>Serving trays are <i>filthy.</i> They are basically never washed, or, if you're lucky, they're wiped down once a day. Think of all the hands!! One chef recommends that you clean them with sani-wipes and that you get your fast food "to go" even if you are staying in the restaurant, so that you can eat off your own clean containers, like styrofoam or cardboard to-go boxes. Sorry environment.</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>One server says passionately, "I <i>never</i> order a drink with lemon. They're never washed, everyone touches them, not just the waiter who's putting it in your drink." I've known this for ages. No one washes the outside peel, so they slice all the nastiness right into the flesh of the lemon, and who knows how many countless hands have touched that lemon? Then your server, who touches menus and people's dirty plates and silverware, plunks a lemon right into your drink. Double groce. There will be NO LEMON IN MY WATER THANK YOU SO VERY DEEPLY.</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj4EXgv13ZY-c5KNzC0PxlwGENvn7Gl6Ji3ywHJFx63S4WI1mxAy8VxkYNfQffQHHVWZePmxU-rAkBWiBbzEF0XJHh3aXglmL_wWBlT6cuQ2uM_NH-V2jBU8XupmmJ6g2AgqBKPUnmdg/s1600/dr+oz+lemons.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj4EXgv13ZY-c5KNzC0PxlwGENvn7Gl6Ji3ywHJFx63S4WI1mxAy8VxkYNfQffQHHVWZePmxU-rAkBWiBbzEF0XJHh3aXglmL_wWBlT6cuQ2uM_NH-V2jBU8XupmmJ6g2AgqBKPUnmdg/s320/dr+oz+lemons.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<ul>
<li>Another server says, "If your plates and silverware look clean enough to re-use, we put them right back on the shelves." Fucking...I can't even. What can you say about this atrocity?</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>One more quote: "I've seen servers come back from bathroom breaks and not wash their hands, and then they're touching your menu, your drinks, and your food, and it's gross." GROCE</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The longstanding question: Should you send food back to the kitchen if you're not happy with it? Yes, if it is not cooked properly, but God be with you, child, you best BE POLITE. If you are not, please expect bodily secretions in your re-cooked meal.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Water pitchers. They touch the rim of your glass and every other glass. Glass after glass after glass. HERPES MUCH? One estimate puts "touch down" at 144 glasses (of saliva) per evening. Considering how many people have the herp or a cold or flu, you're bound to catch something.</li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjnomM7AsrSk5c1fIEh3OXgWTpXU4uZt8N892PETX5peQ6Y_epwfRqDmAZk-eM-QcBiJJHeUA8AtW6_RCmcsLQmhUFKKkiyB_Bfp7JTCbUT5xfZWebtL5c101Bkuq3jOM7Gu6EGNRj1g/s1600/dr+oz+water+pitcher.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjnomM7AsrSk5c1fIEh3OXgWTpXU4uZt8N892PETX5peQ6Y_epwfRqDmAZk-eM-QcBiJJHeUA8AtW6_RCmcsLQmhUFKKkiyB_Bfp7JTCbUT5xfZWebtL5c101Bkuq3jOM7Gu6EGNRj1g/s320/dr+oz+water+pitcher.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<ul>
<li>Ask for the to-go container to be brought to you instead of letting the server take it back where God knows what will happen with it. They will often touch the food with their bare hands. "Ask for it, pack it yourself, don't let it out of your sight."</li>
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Take heed, children, and protect yourself from just SOME of the nastiness you will find at restaurants.Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-31663699498420204512012-11-29T10:10:00.002-08:002012-11-29T10:10:21.993-08:00I Knew There Was a Reason I Loved You, Paul Rudd.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
...Besides your very fine looks and your stunning comedic talent.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8XMnAKOJTVtrlrrONZ32XA6YG2kyOtx7hvNI9rQlIYshnMqWYdMh8n5qCgSjW4zBPVnXdMEO3SNf39OWMbqpdqLqtznksCDYV0JaOc1N2I2G9yZlT-OtpPZ6sjW5izSH4CLo9Ekqow/s1600/bowling+ball+paul+rudd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8XMnAKOJTVtrlrrONZ32XA6YG2kyOtx7hvNI9rQlIYshnMqWYdMh8n5qCgSjW4zBPVnXdMEO3SNf39OWMbqpdqLqtznksCDYV0JaOc1N2I2G9yZlT-OtpPZ6sjW5izSH4CLo9Ekqow/s640/bowling+ball+paul+rudd.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63804464872288383.post-69201366020575989852012-11-23T18:59:00.002-08:002012-11-23T19:05:08.076-08:00Fun Friendly Phobic Fact Friday.<br />
Today we saw a movie. That in itself was a big accomplishment, OCD-wise, because without fail, every time I go to a movie there is someone hacking and sniveling and snorting and sneezing and coughing, and I spend the entire movie in a state of intense distress. Or someone's wearing overbearing perfume or has terrific B.O. Something <i>always</i> goes wrong at a movie.<br />
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Today, none of that happened. But today's movie was unusual in that it was RPX, or, ooh la la, a <i>Regal Premium Experience</i>, which p. much means it's just 3D.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnMb3gbpIzh6A1KNQUrsG4Bo-j4c8nQsHUhyOYEFLUM8N1enHw2G-S3Btc0AuBBCOFLm_yMgNWGFfhV7FBM5zr2muyhzZJRbu5ZHJy0aupe-14QPiwZ98SGuN57_PSt7OxkdFar8HD2g/s1600/3D+glasses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnMb3gbpIzh6A1KNQUrsG4Bo-j4c8nQsHUhyOYEFLUM8N1enHw2G-S3Btc0AuBBCOFLm_yMgNWGFfhV7FBM5zr2muyhzZJRbu5ZHJy0aupe-14QPiwZ98SGuN57_PSt7OxkdFar8HD2g/s320/3D+glasses.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>We make this shit look<i> good.</i></b></span></div>
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This means 3D glasses. Godforsaken disgusting filthy nasty horrifying glasses. Places upon your very FACE. Resting atop your very nose, in the vicinity of your very EYEBALLS.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfh2fOTnK-ujdWLVe4JBhb7i2r9AYqClh24jdPzoGCIBHja0ZVmtirXsqenA8Qj4uuE19TNwRIGgHBgC5NAJvOl62tljCcm_s1ElT1GFYqoT5INjUMI9YtCf3cWzVEVQaiinGOMd8VAA/s1600/3D+glasses+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfh2fOTnK-ujdWLVe4JBhb7i2r9AYqClh24jdPzoGCIBHja0ZVmtirXsqenA8Qj4uuE19TNwRIGgHBgC5NAJvOl62tljCcm_s1ElT1GFYqoT5INjUMI9YtCf3cWzVEVQaiinGOMd8VAA/s320/3D+glasses+2.jpg" width="244" /></a></div>
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They caused me to have a mild panic attack and break a sweat. Even handling the plastic package they came in, I was like, "This shit's not clean. There's no way this shit is clean."<br />
<br />
But it's not just me. It's not just an OCD thing. Apparently, those things are well-known to be rife with bacteria.<br />
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In tests, among the 3D glasses looked at, a cubic shitload of them carried "bacteria that can cause conjunctivitis, skin infections, food poisoning, or even sepsis or pneumonia."<br />
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Further, "the publication's research lab found that none of the glasses it tested were sterilized. One of the pairs it evaluated was contaminated with Staphylococcus aureus, the most common cause of staph infections."<br />
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In addition, "according to an Inside Edition press release, their undercover investigators have found potentially harmful bacteria on some of the 3D glasses handed out at movie theaters—even the glasses that appear brand new, wrapped in plastic."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8q7dkHovvpYr6348pDHNZDhl8awp7pZ5O-BSreIMTBGamxwEAWvvhQqNVP2jfFn-2hOIlj0fftMdbnrblVhRuVQ3dENBdGF3n9uYUvb3ntE_gG8MFgjgj3NPSzd5aUJk-nr_2ILi2qA/s1600/3D+glasses+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8q7dkHovvpYr6348pDHNZDhl8awp7pZ5O-BSreIMTBGamxwEAWvvhQqNVP2jfFn-2hOIlj0fftMdbnrblVhRuVQ3dENBdGF3n9uYUvb3ntE_gG8MFgjgj3NPSzd5aUJk-nr_2ILi2qA/s320/3D+glasses+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm sorry, but you can SEE the germs on those motherfucking cloudy-ass glasses.</span></b></div>
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Dr. Kelly Reynolds, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona, tells the I-Squad, " 'she was surprised by some of the potentially dangerous organisms, such as fecal matter, found crawling on the 3D glasses, including bacteria commonly found in feces.<br />
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" 'It looks like 3D glasses are a hot spot for germs. The major way viruses are spread is through your eyes. So certainly when you’re putting these glasses near your eyes you want to make sure nothing is on them.' "<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI7gaG7OKA7ahyIOYl4fios3jy4xFhgXXvDDp_LbTdumEsmlTORipQQcJztdq1bt4ImiKsZ-CIUl4LYSJTFsfuwtd5izgBIw3Dx4IfKBKLhyphenhyphenEIgcepdq2uhlDhyphenhyphenUihrvfM0OtHT1Hfgw/s1600/nickburns.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI7gaG7OKA7ahyIOYl4fios3jy4xFhgXXvDDp_LbTdumEsmlTORipQQcJztdq1bt4ImiKsZ-CIUl4LYSJTFsfuwtd5izgBIw3Dx4IfKBKLhyphenhyphenEIgcepdq2uhlDhyphenhyphenUihrvfM0OtHT1Hfgw/s1600/nickburns.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
Just...just...groce. GROCE.<br />
<br />
However, <b><i>Life of Pi</i> </b>was fucking EXCELLENT and BEAUTIFUL and AMAZE and maybe it was worth catching Staphylococcus aureus in my nose and eyeballs in order to see it. Because, <i>awesome.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXSDXW4cxaOv4cEIgPWpd6bskYRt52JghpU7mrxTc2W_91oQ-tOqSGLFSjRsx4gkvNfs6Uzz67iPYfFMDyFIWd7euUpRzNE1kDtz-XvUGVTAs3xh9vXP9guomgNgNW1UkffeeXadnuHQ/s1600/life+of+pi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXSDXW4cxaOv4cEIgPWpd6bskYRt52JghpU7mrxTc2W_91oQ-tOqSGLFSjRsx4gkvNfs6Uzz67iPYfFMDyFIWd7euUpRzNE1kDtz-XvUGVTAs3xh9vXP9guomgNgNW1UkffeeXadnuHQ/s320/life+of+pi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">But it's time to go Sani-Hands my entire face now.</span></b></div>
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<a href="http://news.cnet.com/8301-13506_3-20007483-17.html">Source</a><br />
<a href="http://gothamist.com/2010/10/28/3d_glasses_are_crawling_with_bacter.php">Source</a>Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06857292122475238818noreply@blogger.com4