Saturday, October 22, 2011

It's Her Birthday and I'll Have a Panic Attack If I Want To.

So today Maya had her 4th birthday party! It was crazy hectic, as usual, getting there on time to decorate and get it all together before guests arrived, putting up balloons and streamers and tablecloths and napkins and plates and cups and then later managing the ordering of pizzas and the feeding of the guests and the playing of kids' games and the eating of cake and the opening of soooo many gifts, but we pulled it off. Sigh. Pizza and gifts. First world problems.

Oh, and of course, there was the internally freaking out when anyone who hadn't Purelled in my direct line of vision was holding the baby and touching her hands. Grandma H I'm glaring looking at you.

Not to mention, one of my friends showed up and her first words to me about her daughter were, "Sorry, little S has a little cold." GREAT. Panic level orangish-red. Who am I kidding. Scarlet, blood red all the way.

Luckily my BFF and frequent bum-bum blog commenter chesea was there, and talking to her distracted me and calmed me down. :)

Here are some snapshots of the day. I simply have to include a bunch unrelated to my OCD, because they're so damn cute, but then I've included all the ones with Purell in the shots, kind of as your OCD-Where's-Waldo, to make it apropos to this blog.

My ridiculous attempt at a frog cake, which Maya insisted she wanted:

Frog cupcakes. I couldn't control the squirty frosting thing very well. The unevenness and asymmetry of this arrangement also triggers some form of OCD in me as well, let it be known.

My beauty doing the Pee-Pee Dance:

My beauty doing the Bum-Bum Dance:

My beauty standing still for a milisecond.

BAM! PURELL! Hint hint much??

Pin the tail on the donkey. Birthday girl goes first:

And she nails it (actually I think she hung it on Eeyore's ballsack. Bygones).

OK, now can you Spot the Purells?

And finally, shouldn't blowing out candles be outlawed about now? I mean come on. What an outdated, totally gross tradition. We're in Twenty-oh-eleven now. People should really come with their own thingymabob that douses candles, and there should be no huffing and effluvia involved.

Luckily my kid was healthy as a healthy horse, but I ca-RINGE at this part of every other birthday party. I MEAN GROSS.

Anyway. There you have it. Cute kids, frogs, FWPs, and Purell. It was a fun day, but when I got home I had to take five Xanax, 10,000 units of Vitamin D, and then disinfect all the toys she got with Clorox wipes.


  1. Was your shirt purposely the exact same colour as the frog cake? :)

  2. Ha! Honestly, yes Megan! I was going to wear a black short-sleeved number, but (1) I realized it showcased my fat arms all too well, and (2) I thought this green shirt matched the frog cake so well that it was impossible not to wear. So green shirt it was. You're a doll for noticing. ;)

  3. i'm pretty sure that in some of those pictures, the thing intended for photographing wasn't the child, but rather the bottle of purell her face was hiding behind.
    i'm not a germaphobe, but blowing out candles kind of grosses me out too. maybe we should start a tradition of only having candles on one cupcake & the person blows out the fire & then eats that cupcake so no one else is compelled to eat their spit.

  4. Maybe you could hand out those little foldy fan things and let kids blow out the candles that way.

    I like the picture where Maya is sort of looking at the camera through the Purell bottle. There's a metaphor there, I just know it.

    Happy belated birthday, Maya!

  5. Happy birthday sweet girl!! For A's birthday, we make him his own special cake and he gets to achoo all over that. And then everyone else gets cupcakes. WIN WIN.

  6. Yay for birthdays and parties! Caius had so much fun and - I kid you not - he found a long strip of paper at home and put it over his eyes and told me he was putting the tail on the wall. I guess he just had to warm up to it? Anyway, I thought it was cute. :)

    We'll have cupcakes at Caius' birthday, so no worries about him blowing out the candles and contaminating the whole cake. :)

    Also, I will admit that I wasn't sure I should get Maya the felt board because I wasn't totally sure how you could decontaminate it...but then I figured a good spray of Lysol would work? Maybe? :)

    <3 <3 <3

  7. Sherilin, I considered having Maya blow out candles on only one little cupcake instead of the whole big frog cake, but then I thought, if people have a problem with the blowing on the big cake, we had plenty of untainted cupcakes to go around. :) I gave them options. :)

    Ches: You know what's odd, I do far, far less disinfecting of our toys that some people might. I think it's because we always, without fail, wash our hands the very second we come home, so our toys never have "outside germs" on them. But I do the usual cleaning if there's spit-up or other gunk on them or whatever. And I'll never really need to clean the felt board unless someone gets bum-bum germs on it, you know? So no need to worry--that felt board was frickin awesome. I think I'm going to have just as much fun with it as Maya, especially the "funny faces." :) xoxo.

  8. Oh, and that is DAMN funny about the strip of paper thing. :)

  9. > Not to mention, one of my friends showed up and her first words to me about her daughter were, "Sorry, little S has a little cold."

    Frickin' PEOPLE.

  10. I love that you have a gigantic thing of Purell, hilarious! And is it just me, or is anyone else wondering where that girl bought hot dogs and buns that she started off with the same number?!

  11. Aex: I KNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW. I was like, "I' glad you came?"

    Megan: I bring a huge vat of Purell Every Single Time we have Maya's birthday there (we've done it there three years in a row), and absolutely no one uses it except me, my husband, and my mom (who does it because she knows about my OCD). Absolutely no one. Can you imagine? It's sitting RIGHT THERE in front of the where they put the pizza and no one uses it even before they eat. The only time a FEW people did this time was because I directed them right to it and said in so many words, "If you want to hold the baby, here, use this." Even so, people sneaked by without using it and still held my baby and touched her hands. a;kdsflkdsfdfaske;f Hence, needing to come home and take useless pharmaceuticals and lots of vitamins to calm my jangled nerves.

    /ridiculously long comment

  12. that cake is awesomesauce! And next year you can always stoop to my level and give her her own piece of cake to blow out the candles on if you want ;-)

  13. Thanks! And yeah, I should have taken my own advice and just let her blow out the candles on one cupcake, but it just didn't feel right. But, I did at least provide guests with a choice. If they felt squicked by blown-on cake, they could eat a cupcake, like I would have. If they totally didn't care, like 99% of them, they could eat the cake. ;) Actually, most guests ended up asking both some of both.

  14. Props on the frog cake! I think I'm going to try to make one myself!
    Happy Belated Birthday to your little one.
    And long before I found your blog, I always said: Isn't it kind of a gross tradition to have people blow out candles on a kick, with spittle flying every where, and then we all line up to eat a piece of that spittled up cake! (don't know if spittle is a word but it is in my world. :)
    I miss doing the birthday parties.
    Thanks for sharing this with us.

  15. Spittle is totally a word. :)

    And yeah, I think cupcakes are the way to go. Next time I should take my own advice and just have the girls blow on a single cupcake.