Thursday, January 26, 2012

Things What Are in My Purse.

Since women care about these things...

These items are in my purse Right As Of Now.

We have:

  • Three packs of gum, for ever-fresh breath
  • A business card for The Nail Palace, which is Our Place (or was before I decided to push my plate away and say NO MORE ACRYLICS FOR ME, MOM)
  • A receipt for a mani/pedi at The Nail Palace
  • My well-loved, well-used, gross leather wallet
  • Several lipsticks and lip glosses

  • Two pens
  • My checkbook
  • A piece of scratch paper with notes on it of what I wanted to tell my doctor the next time I saw her to discuss my OCD
  • A Benjamin Washington

  • A blemish cover-stick
  • A teency tinecy tin of Altoids
  • A cell phone
  • A teency tincey flashlight
  • The absolute most important item: PURELL. I would die without this. I use it on the regular.

  • A ticket stub for Bridesmaids, one of the funniest fucking movies I've ever seen.
  • **I was not paid for this endorsement**

  • No those aren't condoms, they are sunscreen wipes, the best invention evaaaar.
  • **I was not paid for this endorsement**
  • A Sebastian lipstick called "Honesty," my absolute favorite shade, that has somehow lasted me for ten years, even I use it all the time. Good thing it lasts so long because they don't make it anymore!

  • **I was not paid for this endorsement**
  • **Someone should pay me for these endorsements**
  • Germicidal wipes that I stole, yes STOLE, from a doctor's office

Usually you can find within my purse a few more antibacterial items, and a lot more crap, but I just did a Purse Purge. So there you have it. My purse contents. But now that I look at it in detail, I still need to add a whole mess of these:

Will do.

What's in your purse? Tell mama, child. I want pictures.


  1. I cannot stop looking at the Lindsay Lohan pic with the blow job lips....What is wrong with me?

  2. Can I tell you a funny little story? Of course I can. Who doesn't like a funny little story...

    Hubs and I were at the obgyn for a fertility appointment. Of course they make you wait like 4 days in seven different waiting rooms, so when we finally got to the exam room he was bored out of his mind. He went thru every drawer and cabinet and took apart the model vag. When he came across a stockpile of "alcohol wipes" he threw a big handful in my purse. Because we are infertile thieves. Later that day I realized what he had done and called him at his office to let him know, on speaker phone, I would be bringing the 54 vagina wipes he took home to him. Since he obvs has need for them. Since he stole them. A-hole.
    SO it is not that funny now that i type it out...It was way funnier when it actually happened.

    Also, that pic of LiLo is vile and makes me feel like I am seeing a fish's face while it is being squished by a mac truck.

  3. MB: It is like trying to look away from a train wreck.

    Thea: Hahah, no, that IS a funny story. I hope your husband really appreciated his vag wipes, and that he got a clean-catch next time he urinated.

  4. my purse has about 42,000 more things than yours. it's like a cute suitcase that weighs 92 lbs and is supposed to be carried on my shoulder. it is not my friend and yet i can't live without it. we're frenemies, my purse & me.

  5. You will be so proud of me! I have:

    - work keys and house/car keys
    - letter to mail
    - bill to pay
    - check to deposit
    - one bottle of Dial hand sani, one bottle of Purell
    - one pack of Clean Well all-natural hand sani wipes
    - bottle of lotion
    - lip gloss
    - awesome zip wallet that I will never part with
    - change purse
    - makeup compact
    - crap load of receipts (the one part I hate about using a credit card to pay for everything)

  6. Tissues - just in case.
    Bits of tissues which were there just in case.
    Scrappy irritating tiny particles of tissues which were put there about 5 years ago just in case and now cling to the teeth of my hairbrush and stick all over my gloves.
    Note to self - time for a clear-out

  7. Main Compartment:
    -wallet with umpteen-bajillion rewards punch cards for everything from Trop's Daiquiris to Which Wich and Maurices
    - makeup bag with gloss, brush, Handi-Bac, Tide Stick, travel-tube of Advil, and other misc. OTC meds (allergy stuff, Emergen-C, antacids, etc.)
    - wad o'keys
    - sunglasses
    - iPod Touch
    - stack of brochures for my caving grotto to hand out to coworkers/friends who might be interested in joining
    - Nook (I HAVETO finish Harry Potter before the end of the month)

    Pocket #1:
    - two chapsticks (one is actually a "Burt's Bees", not a "Chap-Stik", per se)
    - headphones for my phone
    -ticket stub from Sherlock Holmes

    Pocket #2:
    - camera (of course...this is me we're talking about)

    Pocket #3:
    - compact mirror

    Pocket #4:
    - random jewelry I took off when going to the gym & then forgot about

    Pocket #5:
    - Big Red gum
    - ATM reciept
    - Oh, THAT'S where my glasses went!
    - pen
    - gift certificate for Bandana's BBQ
    - $1.26 in change

    And clipped to the strap of my purse:
    - one Yoda figurine. Of course.

  8. Sherilin: You're like me ma. Every year she just upgrades to a larger purse, instead of weeding things out so it fits in her smaller purse. hehehe.

    Ches: AM SO PROUD!! You have three (3) U.S. anitbacteriall agents in your purse!! I knew there was a reason we are BFFs.

    Helen: HAHAHAH I know just what you mean. Lint. Lint everywhere. Lint, on the sides of my face, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving lint. Heaving lint... Heathing...

    BLK: HOLY SCHEISSE! You must have the purse of all purses to fit all that stuff in. I do love the Handi-Bac, though. :)