Thursday, January 12, 2012

So, I'm P. Much Famous.

This is old news, but I'm just getting around to sharing it.

Guys, I am now the proud owner of my first published article! OK, no, I'm just exaggerating, it's my BFF's Darlena's published article. (Dar, as you recall, is from . )

She wrote up a fine and dandy piece and wanted contributors, which I was flattered and more than happy to participate in. And lo and behold, IT GOT PUBLISHED! The article is on nasty nasty nasty kitchen germs, and you can find it here: The 5 Dirtiest Secrets of Your Kitchen (And How to Clean Them).

And look! Look! My name is mentioned six (6) (VI) SIXXX times! I am beside myself. I even qualified for one of those awesome quotey sidebarry large attention-grabby thingers:

OUT --->

Look! I'm a star! And stars carry around teacups. Or is that so 2010 Gaga ago?

Could someone fetch me more Constant Comment tea? I take two and a quarter creamers, and two halves of two Splendas, stirred with Swiss glass swizzle stick, and I like it served in my deceased Aunt Mimi's rosebud cup. And if someone could please serve it to me because my nails are still wet from my mani. Now hop to.


One quote I am particular proud of is this:

"I like to treat my kitchen sink like it's going to kill me," Dickerson jokes. "You don't have to be so crazy about it, but do use common sense -- and a liberal helping of bleach." -One J. "Clorox is my middle name" Dickerson

(OK I amended that very last part.) But still!! The pride I feel! I'm a star!

So to Darlena, thanks for making this happen. To my trillions and trillions of new readers, thank you, thank you so kindly. And to the rest of you, soak your kitchen sponges in bleach or just throw those fiddy-cent motherfuckers away. Look, I know you can feel a child in Africa for the cost of one sponge a week, but seriously throw those germbeasts in the triznash. Then give up your double tall nonfat sugar-free cinnamon dolce no foam extra hot latte and use that money to save a child. But godsakes man, buy new sponges.


  1. Woo-hoo! Congrats!!! :)

    Also, how do you feel about microwaving sponges? I have these pots that I have to scrub with a scouring pad so before scrubbing I nuke the wet pad for 3 minutes.

    Also that is the last time I get anything that can't be thrown in the dishwasher. They were wedding presents almost 12 years ago...maybe they're old enough now I can get rid of them without guilt??

  2. hahahahahhaha for a second I thought you meant the scrubby sponges were 12 years old and were given to you as a gift. I was like, "TWELVE-YEAR-OLD SPONGES? OH CHELSEA." hahaha.

    As for nuking sponges, I used to do it, when I used sponges more. Now I pretty much avoid them. But I have a system--I have clean sponges on the left, dirty ones on the right. Clean sponges are to be used when, after sponging, you want the item to be clean. They never clean or wipe the sink, etc. Dirty scrubby sponges are to be used when scouring the sink, or when sponging out grody things that will go in the dishwasher afterward. :)

  3. Chicken germs totally freak me out. I often run my sponges through the dishwasher. Okay? Or still bad?

  4. Yeah, chicken germs BAAAD. As for running them through the dishwasher, I tried it once, but at the end of the cycle when I pulled out the sponge, I found it sopping wet. That likely means it absorbed all the nasty dirty germs from earlier in the cycle, maybe even CHICKEN GERMZ!. So naah, I skip it. I air-dry them, or use bleach on them, or just don't use them. ;)

  5. Another solution to chicken germs - don't cook meat! We're 99% vegetarian a home because I'm lazy and cheap, but it also helps lessen the stress caused by meat germs. :)

  6. you. are. famous. and you looks shockingly like Nia Vardalos (sp?) in your tea cup picture. Is that you Nia? You were great in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and you are very funny on the twitter.

    Congrats and don't forget the little people.

  7. Yep, I've been fooling you little people all along. I AM NIA!! I originally wanted to call my movie "My Big Fat Germ-Fest Anxiety Attack Lukewarm Buffet Wedding," but they made me change it.

    It's funny you say I look like Nia, because Nia is Greek (of course) and is fairly exoticish looking, and I am a whitey white white PALE white Scandinavian-heritage girl. :)

  8. LOL, that last quote was my fave. I threw in the "jokes" b/c I wanted them to publish it. BUT WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE FOR SERIOUS.

  9. You are channeling your greek goddess in the that one, lady.