Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Jesus Take the Wheel.

--------------------------------------------


THE WAITRESS


AT OUR LOCAL IRISH RESTAURANT


PUT 
HER
MOTHER
FUCKING
FINGER


IN MY BABY'S MOUTH.


IN HER MOUTH.


My baby's mouth. The waitress's finger. The waitress's finger IN my baby's mouth. In.


---


We all know the stages of grief. Denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance. Allow me to demonstrate for you the Stages of Rage I went through after witnessing this utter atrocity.


At first, pure and utter SHOCK.



Then...AAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!! OH NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T!



SWEET JESUS MOTHER OF MARY GOD IN HEAVEN NOOOOO



What she said.



HUUURRRGLE



BUUURRRGLE



YOU! YOUR FINGER! YOU PUT IT IN MY BABY'S MOUTH!!


YOUR FINGER IN HER MOUTH



What's on your hands? WHAT'S ON YOUR HAAAANDS??



FUUUUUUU...



Wait, ma'am. I don't believe you did.



Who the motherfuck DOES that? Who??




I. CAN'T. EVEN.



THAT JUST HAPPENED.



Even Einstein agrees. WHO DOES THAT.



Flames. On the side of my face.



Rage.


Rage.


RAGE.


Devastatingly sad. FML forever. This may actually kill me. I may actually die over this. I give up. I give up.



I concede defeat.


BRB gonna go take a rape shower.



On second thought....



BITCH I WILL CUT YOU



Bitch I will CUT you.





BITCH I WILL CUT YOU!!!


---

In her mouth. Her finger. In her mouth. I just. I can't. I can't.



12 comments:

  1. that is pretty damn crazy & inconsiderate. i like all the thought & photo action you put into this post. it conveys your feelings very clearly. i especially liked the rape shower.
    probably your baby won't get sick. probably.
    what was the purpose of her doing that? was she feeling for teeth? sloppily feeding her a morsel of food? trying to fish out a choking hazard? i can't even envision the circumstances that would cause a stranger to do such a thing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, the waitress first rubbed my baby's head, which to someone like me was bad enough, then the waitress grabbed my baby's hands (THE HORROR), and the baby kind of made as if to chew on the waitress's fingers, but the waitress basically purposely PUT her finger in my baby's mouth to let her chew on it. I was dumbfounded and then grabbed the waitress's hand and PULLED it away (although the lady kept trying to KEEP it in my baby's mouth) and I said, "Oh no no no, Naomi, we don't chew on her finger," trying to be all normal about it, but I was dying, DYING inside.

    ReplyDelete
  3. OK now that I peed my pants from this post. WTF does that who does that? And why did she do that? What the hell!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love all the pictures, but seriously - WTF?!?! Is this a restaurant you go to often? Does the waitress feel super comfortable around you guys?

    I am in shock...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Saw these. Thought you'd love. :-D

    http://www.blueq.com/hand-sanitizers/

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ches: Yeah, we go there every week for trivia. The waitress always talks to Maya and stuff, but this was unreal.

    Carrie: NO FAIR! I saw those too (on a different website) and was going to make a post about those! For real! :) Oh well, I still can, hehehe. I love those so much. :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. o.O Who... What... No. Really? GAH!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't even touch a baby's feet, because they put those in their mouth half the damn time, too. JFC, who does that? How would someone (like the waitress) like it if I went up and just stuck my finger in HER mouth? (Not that I could ever actually bring myself to DO that, but still.....)

    I've always been fascinated by the fact that people think it's okay to invade a baby's personal space just because they're, well, babies. I always ask even to hold a baby, then I wash my hands, and I don't touch faces, hands or feet. The only exceptions are my neices and nephew, and I still washed my hands.

    I'm proud of you. You were within your legal right to give that woman a beat-down, ghetto style.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Janice: I know, right? I would never, ever, touch ANY PART of a stranger's baby, and I would never, ever touch the GOT-DAMN MOUTH of even someone else's baby I knew well. And I have the cleanest fingers this side of the Mississip. Still. You do NOT PUT YOUR FINGERS IN A STRANGER'S BABY'S MOUTH. And she was a waitress, touching everyone else's spitty saliva-y foody eaty things. I'm dying all over again thinking of it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just can't believe it D: I'm horrified for you. stay strong. OMG.

    ReplyDelete
  11. oh.my.god. i seriously was just laughing until i was almost crying.

    if it makes you feel any smidgin better (which I know it won't but whatevs) a STRANGER kissed Lady Baby in a DINER. yes, you read that correctly. A STRANGE OLD MAN IN A DINER KISSED MY DELICATE FLOWER ON THE FACE.

    I almost lost me shit. almost. Instead I smiled like a crazy bitch and stared at him like I could not believe what just happened. Because I could not believe what just happened. I can now laugh about it, but it could be PTSD is masking my true desire to cut that guy.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thea: HOLEE SHITBALLS. Kissed. A stranger. Some old man. Kissed. KISSED! That is so wild. It beats the time a stranger PICKED UP my 3-year-old and held her whilst I grappled for which words would impart "BITCH PUT HER THE FUCK DOWN" the nicest. Instead I did much like you and just smiled like a crazy woman in sheer disbelief. Who does this??

    Kissed. Hoo boy.

    ReplyDelete