Saturday, February 4, 2012

Things I Do.

It's been a coon's age since I've done one of these. To be quite honest, I can't remember just which Things I Do I've already shared. Deal, bishes. Anyway, here you go. I present More Things I Do:

  • When I close a scissors (a scissor?), I do it very far away from my head, always convinced I'm going to cut off my hair.

  • When I drive by a semi-truck or one passes me, I get a major panic attack. Hard to breathe, hard to think, racing heartbeat, goosebumps, the whole deal. I'm just positive that one of their wheels is going to explode, slamming into me and causing my demise, or that the truck will veer out of his lane and into me (I've had too many close calls to refer to this as an unfounded fear).

  • You already know this from my Great Wuff post, but when I stay at a hotel, I clean EVERYTHING with Clorox wipes. From the obvious things like the phone, doorknobs, and alarm clocks, to things we will never even touch, like walls and windows and random accoutrement.

Why is this lady's entire arm and elbow touching the filthy floor??

One second thought, maybe cleaning the windows isn't a bad idea...

  • I have semi-hoarding tendencies. I have a hell of a time trying to get rid of (even donate) things that someone has bought for me. Especially if my mom bought them, since she is dirt poor and she spent HER MONEY on those things. I keep clothes, trinkets, decorations, any object, far longer than I should and have a terrible time parting with them. And books? Forget about it. I keep those fuckers forEVER. This is why our house is cluttered liek woah.

Could be worse. Could be cats.

  • I organize the dishwasher because of a paralyzing fear that I will get cut on knives. Knives go in one utensil basket, at the farthest place back, forks go in another, spoons in another, baby spoons in yet another. I never mix utensils. When I reach for the knives, I do so at a pace of about 0.000000001 mile per hour, still convinced I will get cut. Oh and yes, sometimes I reuse and rewash plastic utensils. Suck it, Trebek.

I should have been naked while I took this picture so you'd have a grotesque fun surprise 
when you looked at the shiny stuff.

 Remember this gem?

  • When the kids are awake and aren't going to sleep as expected, I want nothing more than for them to sleep, goddammit. When the kids are sleeping soundly, I worry that they have perished, and sometimes I will risk waking them up just to make sure they're alive.

  • I have to check the last word of a page several times because I'm convinced I didn't read it or absorb it. I stare at the word for awhile before I can move on to the next page.

  • I throw away perfectly good food because I worry it has spoiled. I waste soooo much money this way.

  • I think I've mentioned this one before, but I switch spoons or spatulas toward the end of cooking meat or eggs. This is because you use one tool to stir the raw meat or eggs, and as they cook, you jam the same damn  tool back in the pan, reinserting all those grody bacteria. I wait until the meat is almost completely done, then switch tools, then finish cooking it. AND SO SHALL YOU, EVERMORE.

Thus concludes this episode of Things I Do.


  1. i think that makes a little bit of sense about to utensils in the meat. but i don't cook or eat meat, so this won't apply to me or my cooking habits.
    you fear that you'll cut your hair. i fear that i'll take something off a high shelf, but it'll fall out of my hands and smash my front teeth.

  2. I wondered if you pumped your own gas! I always baby wipe and Purell my hands afterward, too, but I still feel like there's gasoline residue on there. :P

    Also, I tried to comment from my phone originally and I may have clicked on "hated it!" on accident while trying to click on "comment". :P

  3. See I am not the online one I hate hate semi's and when I am near them on the freeway I get total anxiety. I blame that on the friggin construction semi that slammed into my car a few years ago and completely totaled my hubby's fist love his BMW. The accident scene in Final Destination 2 did not help the cause either. I throw so much produce away it is sad so I got these cool produce/fruit storage bags that help keep it fresh longer Peak fresh reusable bags pretty awesome

  4. Why don't you wash your knives pointy side down?

  5. Sherilin: Me too. I take things off shelves with ridiculous amounts of care.

    Ches: I don't care about gasoline residue, but people residue! :)


    Mandi: Because things don't get as clean when they are hidden down in a silverwear basket. They should point up so the water and detergent can scour them.

  6. These are interesting:
    You do know since the basket has holes in it everything gets really clean? Also "they" (my husband won't let me use the word "they" anymore so therefore I will inflict it on you)) say that you should put some things down and some things up so that there is space in between the untensils and they don't stick together. I can only assume that you don't approve of the fact I let the child load and unload the dishwasher with me this evening. No worries, I told her not to touch the knives. When I was growing up my mom was agoraphobic/control freak and we had to laod the washer a very certain way. Now I load it all crazy and laugh like a crazy person. Becuase I can :)
    Interesting about the utensil and the meat cooking. I am a FREAK about getting meat juice anywhere. It makes me physically ill to think about. Shocking, right? Seriously though, even the dish I thaw completely packaged frozen chicken in goes into the dishwasher. Throw up burp right now just thinkgin about it...

  7. I count my footsteps when I walk. I try to distract myself but it keeps happening. Freak.

  8. Speaking of "things I do" - today I went into the bathroom at work and someone left their sunglasses on the toilet paper dispenser. Instead of thinking "oh, gee, that's too bad" I thought "Oh man...what if there's a hidden camera in those glasses and someone is recording me going to the bathroom??".

    So I covered them up. And didn't feel at all silly.

  9. hahaha..too funny. And, much like me. :)

    I keep opaque tape over the built-in webcam on my laptop. In case someone, somehow, has bugged it or sent me a virus so that they can view me when I least expect it. Paranoid; who, me?

  10. T-ster, re putting silverware point-side down: They might get cleanish. But not clean enough for me. NOT CLEAN ENOUGH FOR ME!!!

    Helen: I do a lot of stuff like that too. And if there's a clock ticking or something, I make up little drum-beat rhythms in my head along with it.