Things I Do.

It's been an AGE since I've done one of these. To be quite honest, I can't remember just which Things I Do I've already shared. Deal, bishes. Anyway, here you go. I present More Things I Do:

• When I close a scissors (a scissor?), I do it very far away from my head, always convinced I'm going to cut off my hair.

• When I drive by a semi-truck or one passes me, I get a major panic attack. Hard to breathe, hard to think, racing heartbeat, goosebumps, the whole deal. I'm just positive that one of their wheels is going to explode, slamming into me and causing my demise, or that the truck will veer out of his lane and into me (I've had too many close calls to refer to this as an unfounded fear).

• You already know this from my Great Wuff post, but when I stay at a hotel, I clean EVERYTHING with Clorox wipes. From the obvious things like the phone, doorknobs, and alarm clocks, to things we will never even touch, like walls and windows and random accoutrement.

Why is this lady's entire arm and elbow touching the filthy floor??

Unacceptable.

One second thought, maybe cleaning the windows isn't a bad idea...

• I have semi-hoarding tendencies. I have a hell of a time trying to get rid of (even donate) things that someone has bought for me. Especially if my mom bought them, since she is dirt poor and she spent HER MONEY on those things. I keep clothes, trinkets, decorations, any object, far longer than I should and have a terrible time parting with them. And books? Forget about it. I keep those fuckers forEVER. This is why our house is cluttered liek woah.

Could be worse. Could be cats.

• I organize the dishwasher because of a paralyzing fear that I will get cut on knives. Knives go in one utensil basket, at the farthest place back, forks go in another, spoons in another, baby spoons in yet another. I never mix utensils. When I reach for the knives, I do so at a pace of about 0.000000001 mile per hour, still convinced I will get cut. Oh and yes, sometimes I reuse and rewash plastic utensils. Suck it, Trebek.

I should have been naked while I took this picture so you'd have a grotesque fun surprise 

when you looked at the shiny stuff.

 Remember this gem?

• When the kids are awake and aren't going to sleep as expected, I want nothing more than for them to sleep, goddammit. When the kids are sleeping soundly, I worry that they have perished, and sometimes I will risk waking them up just to make sure they're alive.

• I have to check the last word of a page several times because I'm convinced I didn't read it or absorb it. I stare at the word for awhile before I can move on to the next page.

• I throw away perfectly good food because I worry it has spoiled. I waste soooo much money this way.

• I think I've mentioned this one before, but I switch spoons or spatulas toward the end of cooking meat or eggs. This is because you use one tool to stir the raw meat or eggs, and as they cook, you jam the same damn  tool back in the pan, reinserting all those grody bacteria. I wait until the meat is almost completely done, then switch tools, then finish cooking it. AND SO SHALL YOU, EVERMORE.

Thus concludes this episode of Things I Do.