The first recorded use of toothpaste was about a thousand years ago by a Roman named Scibonius Largus. (Which translates to Large Bonerus.) <-- Outright lie
Anyway, Large Bonerus's toothpaste was a mixture of honey, salt, and ground motherfucking glass.
Thank you, Colgate, for improving the formula.
Oh, and Ancient Spaniards use to dip their toothbrushes in human urine.