BIRTH TRAUMA: Jo Style.

My friend Ches asked me this:

I'd like to hear about the births of your babies and how you felt staying in the hospital. Was it stressful? Or did you not even care because, you know, you just gave birth and all. :) Did you obsessively watch the nurses/doctors to make sure they washed and hand sani-ed before they came into your room?


Oh boy. This is a great question, and MAN does it bring back memories.

So, in a nutshell, I spent the entire time in the hospital freaking the fuck out.

Because of germs.

And to make matters worse, I had to stay in the hospital a full three days. That was a lot of hours of freaking the fuck out. Because of germs.

First of all, I printed out a sign and hung it on the hospital door: "All visitors: Please wash your hands when entering."

Oh yes I did.

Second, before giving birth, I had used Lysol wipes on things like the bed railings and tables and such.

Bag of Lysol wipes:

Third, I repeatedly Purelled my hands while in labor. WHILE PUSHING MY BABY OUT.

This is me, rubbing my hands together briskly for 30 seconds.

I also had good old Sani-Hands everywhere. 

Like, everywhere.

I watched every doctor and nurse like a fucking hawk. Only about 1 time in 400 did a nurse ever use hand sani upon entering, even though it was right on the wall. Kind of like my bathroom at home.

It made me CRAZY that they didn't use hand sani. But I was too chicken to speak up.

Even during the fraction of the time that they did use hand sani, they would come in and use the computer to check my stats, etc, and that keyboard and mouse had been handled by people who hadn't cleaned their hands, so it was kind of pointless.

They'd also use pens and stuff, and I would cringe and think, "Do you know how filthy that pen is? And now you're going to touch my hours-old baby?"

At one point, the nurse came in and said she was about to give my baby her first bath. I asked, "Do you usually use the sink for that, or a basin?" She said they always use the sink. The sink where people had been washing their dirty hands. Where I'd brushed my teeth and spat. Etc. I said "FUCK IF YOU'RE DOING THAT WITH MY BABY, BISH"  "I'd really prefer it if you used a basin."

She complied.

When Maya came to visit, I washed and Purelled the very skin off her hands.

But isn't this precious?

Maya even got into the swing of things using Sani-Hands to wipe off everything she deemed germy.

I was also concerned about the doctor not wearing a mask during the birth, but I guess that wasn't a huge deal.

I was impressed, however, when the doctor asked the nurse to take his glasses off the top of his head and put them on for him, instead of him touching them (glasses are among the filthier things in this world):

I sure hope there is no vaj showing in any of these photos.

So this just shows you a portion of the anxiety I went through. Then I had to contend with visitors and being afraid that people had colds, etc. Everything about everything about being pregnant and giving birth made my OCD go haywire.