Fun Friendly Phobic Fact Friday.

"Science Is Fun and Useful"

by Jo

This is one of the most kickass videos I've ever seen. (1) Because this guy is awesome; (2) because the wisdom he imparts is true and important re: the viruses with the highest-known fatality rates; and (3) because this guy is awesome.

So let's do watch.

(Totally can't get it to embed AARRRRGGGHH)

Let's just start with his opening line, "There's a lot of stuff out there that's trying to kill us, right now, and today, I'm gonna talk about the ones that are the best at it. The Five Deadliest Infectious Diseases in the World."

The 10 minute 23 second video is worth your while; however, if you're all tl;dr? and you don't feel like watching the entire thing? Then let me just summarize, BumBumStyle:

• The Spanish Flu (1917-1918) was a notorious infectious disease, also known as...wait for it...H1N1. It killed more than 30 million people worldwide. ( Now you may recall that in 2009 there was also mass hysteria over a resurgence of the pandemic H1N1, a.k.a. Swine Flu to the point that you could not find face masks or hand sani in any drugstore anywhere.) Anyway, the first outbreak had a case fatality rate of 20%, and apparently, 20% (!!) is so minor in the grand scheme of things that it's not even worth talking about. Bygones. Let's move on, shall we?

• Let's take Nipah, which has an average case fatality rate of about 50% (other online sources claim up to 75%). It seems that around 1999, pig farmers started coming down with respiratory issues, and inflammation of the brain that caused hallucinations, along with seizures (and should you wonder, no, "not the good kind of seizures," according to SciShow). What.

Outbreaks continued in India and Bangladesh, the disease mainly spread by bats, at which point and in which place the death rate became around 100 mother fucking percent. Are you hearing me. 100%. 

And what's worse, you suddenly didn't need a got-damn bat or pig or a batpig or a pigbat to give you Nipah, you get could get it human-to-human. And then you'd fucking die. Dead. Deceased. Of a miserable death.

Pigbat!!

In 2001, in Siliguri, India, there were cases of Nipah where 75% of cases were traced back to people who had merely visited the local hospital. Just by being there. In that building. Just by, say, strolling in to give a loved one some pink carnations and a "Get Well Soon" Mylar balloon. Maybe a Peace Lily or two.

"Get well soon! I hope you recover from your Nipah! As if!"

Perhaps best of all, according to the WHO, there is no treatment or vaccine available for either humans or animals. Which might explain why up to 100% of the people infected die dead.

So that is of little interest to you. After all, you do not live in Siliguri, India. So let's talk about H5N1 (commonly known as Bird Flu). 

• H5N1 didn't used to be easily transmissible to humans, but then scientists went and got all 10-year-old-boy on us and asked, "What would happen if I did this? Let's see if I can do this!! Let me dick around with something! What would happen if I did that? Let's fukkin' blow shit up, man!111@@!"

Apparently, this tinkering made flu transmissible to ferrets, which have (for some reason) the same immune system as humans. Which sucks because this newly and easily transmissible Bird Flu kills at least 54% of people who get it. For fuck's SAKE, ferrets?? Good times. 

There is a government vaccine available for H5N1, but it has apparently been stockpiled and is not available to the public. Good times.

---

And I quote: "Now Hank, you're saying I'm not a Malaysian bat-handler and I've already stocked my pantry with enough Skittles and Diet Sierra Mist to get me through the Bird Flu pandemic."

So in other words, I'm golden, right? Read on, friends, read on.

• In 1967, Germany started testing polio vaccines on monkeys from Uganda. Suddenly the scientists came down with wicked fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, massive internal bleeding, and circulatory failure. Good times.

Corellation: Messing with monkey parts = contracting killer diseases. Quit poking around monkey parts, you zoophile.

After further investifuckingation, they eventually isolated the virus known as Marburg Hemorrhagic Fever.

In one year alone, 23% of the scientists exposed died. It shows up everywhere from Africa to the United States, where it kills more than 80%. EIGHTY. PER. CENT. Scientists say that Marburg Hemmorhagic Fever is "the #1 virus you most want to mother fucking got damn avoid," if I may paraphrase. Let's try to do that, people. Start by washing your damn dirty hands and then not messing with monkey parts. But I mean, there is more than one good reason never to mess with monkey parts. For one, that's a hell of a lot of bum-bum germs.

So even if you live in the USA, never handle bats, and have thousands of Snickers and gallons of Orange Crush available in your storm shelter, you are not safe from terrifying diseases.

• A cousin of Marburg Fever is the Zaire Ebola virus (a.k.a. ZEBOV). It is the second most deadly disease in the world and causes everything from vomiting to fever to failure of blood vessels, which causes bleeding under the skin (groce).  ZEBOV has a mortality rate of 83%, and in the early 2000s, it killed more than 90% of the people infected. That's a shit of a lot, people.

• As a sidenote, what do these all viruses (virii?) have in common?

All of these viruses are Zoonotic ("transmitted to humans from animals"). Especially from bats. Fuck you, bats. I hate you in the face.

For these and other reasons, let's just avoid adopting your local neighborhood Battus Vampirus, even though it may be precious and have a cute little snout and you want to name it Edward.

Back to our regularly scheduled program about shit what will kill you.

So, after reading about ZEBOV, you're probably wondering, what disease is deadlier than 90% fatal?? This may surprise you, my peeps.

The deadliest disease in the world is not influenza, is not typhoid, is not dysentery,

...but is rabies, with case fatality rate of, oh, you know, whatever, about 100%. Bygones.

What? Like, Spiffy my sweet little Labradoodle can kill my ass? Or rather, what: like, sweet little Cujo can go from this

to this

and I won't have a chance in heaven once symptoms present?

You're saying that man's best friend can harbor the greatest plague known to humanity? Even though there's a vaccine and shit?

Yes, there is a vaccine, but once you've been diagnosed with the symptoms of the disease, you face almost certain death. There is a case fatality rate of p. much 100%.

According to Science Guy, there have been fewer than 10 recorded cases EVER IN THE HISTORY EVER OF THE ENTIRE WORLD EVER of people who have EVER been diagnosed with rabies and who have EVER lived to tell about it. Ever.

Apparently it's a terrible way to go: Early flu-like symptoms, then it targets your central nervous system, and you become agitated, delirious, and have seizures. Then you will experience paralysis, especially of the throat and jaw, making it difficult to swallow liquids (which is why patients avoid water and which is why rabies is known as hydrophobia). Ma! He's got The Hydrophobe!!

Old Yeller,

Come back Yeller,

Best doggone dog in the West.

With rabies, your pulse and blood pressure will vary wildly, and along with other v. unpleasant symptoms like acute pain and mania, then you will experience coma and heart failure respiratory failure and death. 100% of the time.

And although bats have caused all kinds of other really, really bad shit (see above), they usually get a bad rap when it comes to rabies.  Everyone is all, "OMG OMG IT'S A BAT it's going to get stuck in my hair and bite me and I will get the rabies! OMG BATS!" But actually, about 97% of cases in humans come from dog bites. Out, out damn Spot!

---

This ends your science lesson for the day and your very extensive Fun Friendly Phobic Fact Friday.

Love,
Jo

It's Time for Panic. IT'S PANIC TIME.

AM COMPLETELY COMPLETELY PANICKING ABOUT MY CHILD TRICK-OR-TREATING IN A COUPLE HOURS


ALL THOSE LITTLE TINY GRUBBY HANDS IN ALL THOSE BUCKETS OF CANDY


SO MANY HANDS


COVERED WITH SO MANY BUM-BUM GERMS


OH GOD ALL THE BUM-BUM GERMS


ON ALL THE HANDS


THE SNEEZES


THE RUNNY NOSES


GERMS ALL OVER THE CANDY


ALL THE GERMS


ALL THE GERMS


SOMEONE TALK ME DOWN

/END TRANS

On Manicures and Pedicures.

...no, not the Fish Kind.

So awhile back, I asked my friend S (of the S&M variety) what she does to her nails, because they are always so pretty. Turns out she gets acrylics. I always had bad associations of acrylic nails, thinking they were for the over-sixties crowd and were always thick, horribly long, beyellowed horrors:

...or that they were a "designer" nightmare:

But S's nails were always so lovely.

So one day I decided to go for it.

Now, I've always been wary of getting manis and pedis. I mean, there are so many horror stories of people getting nail fungus or other atrocious problems, and you have to make sure they sterilize properly, and each salon is always kind of hit or miss (and usually "miss" in a big big way) until you really find Your Place.

So S and I went on a trek to find Our Place. We had our acrylics done at a certain joint a bit southeast of us, and I was actually quite pleased for a first timer:

Nice, normal, natural. Thus, I was hooked. 

And since then, we've gone to a few other places closer to where we live, trying to find Our Place. We went to one salon on a whim, where, thank God we had the pedi done first, because they did such an atrocious job on our feet (they couldn't even do a decent job applying polish--I mean CUB OD)--

--that I can't even imagine what they would have done when applying our acrylic nail fills, so after the pedis, we skedaddled out, slyly claiming a "time conflict," and then had our nails done elsewhere. We lucked out, because it turned out that the "elsewhere" is Our Place. I think we found it. Pricier, but very very nice. And they did a great job on our acrylic fills.

The only problem? Oh, y'know, a little thing called Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I mean, talk about pressing the limits of my germaphobia. Even when the salon is pristine, and the autoclave is directly in my line of sight, imagine the balls it takes for me to sit there and basically hold hands with a stranger for 45 minutes, or let them scrub my feet and massage my entire lower legs and just pray to the Patron Saint of Shaven Callouses that the equipment truly is fresh and clean and that I'm not picking up a raging case of someone's tinea pedis or HIV or zombie flu. I've seen one too many places take cursory swipes of their pedicure bowls with a rotting, grimy sponge to feel confident in the cleanliness of the water my feet are soaking in. Plus, (1) what is that blue crystal stuff they add to the water; and (B) what does it actually do--disinfect, soften, or just prettify the water; and (iii) do they think it can actually accomplish anything if they add it by the micro-mili-scoop? I mean, that shit is added with a cocaine spoon, y'all. What could it possibly do but turn the water a little bit blue? It sure ain't killing no zombie foot-hepatitis.

Anyway.

So the last time S and I went out in search of Our Place, and we had Series of Unfortunate Events before actually finding a nice salon, after getting my toes did in the GROCE SALON, I came home and first scrubbed off my feet with Sani-Hands for Kids (which really should be called "Sani-Hands-and-Feet for Kids and OCDers"--they're missing their market) so that I could dare tread on the carpets of my pristine home--

--and then made my way to the bathroom and literally took a full shower, scrubbing down my entire leg area. Three times. Seriously, three times.

Anyway, so far so good. No Zombie flu or raging fungal infections, but sweet God is my toenail polish job atrocious. I can't wait for my next appointment at Our Place where I will get them redone. And then go home and take a bleach bath anyway, even IF Our New Place is hygienic to the naked eye. I mean, surely germs and fungi can live in the jars of nail polish, right? And those can't be disinfected and are reused constantly, round the clock? And....and.....

...OK, I should end this entry now before I work myself into A State.

...Relief??

I'll have you know that my baby kicked her cold's bum-bum because she is....

SUPER NOEY!!!

. . .

Know what's weird?

Once Maya actually came down with a cold, and Naomi and I immediately caught it, it's almost like...like I could relax. I mean, I get so afraid that the kids or my husband or I will get sick that I spend all my time thinking about it, but now that we actually got effing sick, I could stop most of the all-consuming anxiety. (Athough, for the duration of the cold, the anxiety is contained to worrying about Naomi choking on mucous in the night--that fear doesn't just go away.)

I'll tell you a story. Awhile back, when Naomi was only about a month old, I caught a cold. A really bad, lingering one. It started with a terrible sore throat, and progressed to a snotty runny nose and a terrible cough. I was in full blown panic mode. Definitely Code Red. I mean, we are talking none more red.

I was so afraid of getting my tiny baby sick, that I wore a mask. WORE A FUCKING FACE MASK, for more than a week and a half. And not just the flimsy-paper doctor kind of mask, but the full-on N95-1860 particle respirator, which--

"...meets both OSHA requirements and CDC guidelines for TB exposure control. The model 1860 may be used during laser surgery, electrocautery, and other procedures involving powered medical instruments. Intended to help reduce wearer exposure to airborne particles in a size range of 0.1 to > 10.0 microns generated during these procedures. Fluid resistant to provide .99% BFE against microorganisms and help reduce potential contamination and exposure of the wearer to the spray, spatter, and aerosol of blood and body fluids.inst micron-size particles. CDC recommended to protect against avian and swine flu."

You know, the ones I bought when I was certain everyone was going to die dead of H1N1?

Anyway, when I caught that first cold, I wore it every time I fed the baby or held her or leaned over her to change her diaper, and after that first week and a half, I let myself take it off but still held it briefly over my face every time I had to cough. (The cough lingered.) And it was really fucking annoying. It's hard to breathe through those things. They are THICK. Pray to the Patron Saint of Effluvia that we don't ever have to wear them to protect against Zombie Flu or something.

Not only did I wear a mask, but my husband slept in the baby's room with her, instead of having her in the bassinet in our room next to me. I had to go like two precious weeks without kissing her. And I was fanatical about washing. I mean more than usual. If I touched my nose, I washed. If I ate and my hands touched my mouth, I washed. If I breathed, I washed. If I coughed into my elbow, I'd go take a hydrochloric acid bath. You get the point. I was living in terror. But, my efforts paid off. My tiny newborn did not catch my cold.

So now that we're past that fiasco, and Naomi did catch this new cold? While it broke my heart seeing her too sniffly to even suck her binky, and seeing her mouth-breathing like a jerk, I just kind of let go of some of the stress. Because what's done is done--we caught it. We got sick. I didn't have to try anymore to have her not get THIS cold.

I caught it, but she caught it too, so I didn't have to go around wearing a gas mask and a HazMat suit and spritzing bleach about.

But seriously, doesn't this poor sick baby break your heart?

Being sick sucks. Having sick babies sucks. But this cold, we couldn't avoid.

Doesn't mean I'm not going to go into full gas-mask and HazMat mode when there's a Zombie Flu outbreak.

Relief?

I'll have you know that my baby kicked her cold's bum-bum because she is....

SUPER NOEY!!!

. . .

Know what's weird?

Once Maya actually came down with a cold, and Naomi and I immediately caught it, it's almost like...like I could relax. I mean, I get so afraid that the kids or my husband or I will get sick that I spend all my time thinking about it, but now that we actually got effing sick, I could stop most of the all-consuming anxiety. (Athough, for the duration of the cold, the anxiety is contained to worrying about Naomi choking on mucous in the night--that fear doesn't just go away.)

I'll tell you a story. Awhile back, when Naomi was only about a month old, I caught a cold. A really bad, lingering one. It started with a terrible sore throat, and progressed to a snotty runny nose and a terrible cough. I was in full blown panic mode. Definitely Code Red. I mean, we are talking none more red.

I was so afraid of getting my tiny baby sick, that I wore a mask. WORE A FUCKING FACE MASK, for more than a week and a half. And not just the flimsy-paper doctor kind of mask, but the full-on N95-1860 particle respirator, which--

"...meets both OSHA requirements and CDC guidelines for TB exposure control. The model 1860 may be used during laser surgery, electrocautery, and other procedures involving powered medical instruments. Intended to help reduce wearer exposure to airborne particles in a size range of 0.1 to > 10.0 microns generated during these procedures. Fluid resistant to provide .99% BFE against microorganisms and help reduce potential contamination and exposure of the wearer to the spray, spatter, and aerosol of blood and body fluids.inst micron-size particles. CDC recommended to protect against avian and swine flu."

You know, the ones I bought when I was certain everyone was going to die dead of H1N1?

Anyway, when I caught that first cold, I wore it every time I fed the baby or held her or leaned over her to change her diaper, and after that first week and a half, I let myself take it off but still held it briefly over my face every time I had to cough. (The cough lingered.) And it was really fucking annoying. It's hard to breathe through those things. They are THICK. Pray to the Patron Saint of Effluvia that we don't ever have to wear them to protect against Zombie Flu or something.

Not only did I wear a mask, but my husband slept in the baby's room with her, instead of having her in the bassinet in our room next to me. I had to go like two precious weeks without kissing her. And I was fanatical about washing. I mean more than usual. If I touched my nose, I washed. If I ate and my hands touched my mouth, I washed. If I breathed, I washed. If I coughed into my elbow, I'd go take a hydrochloric acid bath. You get the point. I was living in terror. But, my efforts paid off. My tiny newborn did not catch my cold.

So now that we're past that fiasco, and Naomi did catch this new cold? While it broke my heart to see her too sniffly to even suck her binky, and mouth-breathing like a jerk, I just kind of let go of some of the stress. Because what's done is done--we caught it. We got sick. I didn't have to try anymore to have her not get THIS cold.

I caught it, but she caught it too, so I didn't have to go around wearing a gas mask and a HazMat suit and spritzing bleach about.

But seriously, doesn't this poor sick baby break your heart?

Being sick sucks. Having sick babies sucks. But this cold, we couldn't avoid.

Doesn't mean I'm not going to go into full gas-mask and HazMat mode when there's a Zombie Flu outbreak.