Saturday, March 9, 2013

School 'n Jell-O 'n Aliens. Schelloliens.

So back when my older chitlin was 4ish years old, and we put her in preschool, she was getting sick every 2 to 3 hours. Like, we'd send her to class and she catch her 17th concurrent illness. Measles, mumps, AND Rubella. Shigella. Diphtheria. Tetanus. SARS. Hep A B C D and E. North Korean Kangaroo Flu. Pancreatic cancer. She caught everything. In other words, SICK ALL THE TIME.

After maybe four or five U.S. American months, we withdrew her from class, because (A) as heretofore mentioned, she was sick all of the time with all of the things; (2) it was expensive as hell; and (3) she fucking hated school. So why pay for it?

A year later, we put her back in school. This time she loved it. Loved class, loved her teachers. So we were hell-bent on making this work.

Lo and behold, she got sick every 3.275 hours. Such is the life of a Pre-K child I suppose. Such is the life of any school-age kid. Because parents can't seem to make sure they keep their violently ill child home in order to avoid the spread of the sick. Sniffle? Send 'em to school. Vomiting? Send 'em to school. Bloody diarrhea? Send 'em to school. Mouth sores and peeling skin? Send 'em to school. Black hairy tongue? Send 'em to school.


But. It got better. Maya went at least three months between colds. I was shocked and amazed. This is the kid who got four colds on top of each other and was sick non-stop, non-to-the-stizzop. But now she was going entire flu seasons without getting ill. Fuck yeah! Thank you, obsessive handwashing and flu vaccines. Thank you Heavenly Father and thank you Lady Luck. Thank you unicorns and thank you fairy dust. Thank you Purell Advanced. Thank you dear 8 pounds 6 ounce newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet, lying there in your ghost manger, just looking at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' about shapes and colors. Thank you.

Wherein John Christopher Reilly barely stifles a laugh at W. Ferrell's ad-libbed shenanigans.

Where am I going with all this information? I have no idea. Noooooooo idea. No i-deer.

Other than to say, it gets better. I guess. With the exception of a rough start to the school year, we've been really, really lucky not to get fatally sick this season.*** Of course, there's always next. There's always room for E-C-O-L-I.

I'll have you know that the aforementioned jpeg won out over all other fantastic search results, including the following: 

Classic Jell-O

Zombie Jell-O

Ugly Jell-O

Jell-O Invasion

And Cosby Jell-O.

Because, Georgio Tsoukalos . And Jell-O. Just, Jell-O.

How have you and YOURS been this cold & flu season? Well, I hope.

*** And now cue rampant norovirus, now that I've made all these claims straight in the face of superstitions.


  1. Nolan started preschool this year as well so I expected endless amounts of germs, but we actually haven't had that bad of a year. Rory had pneumonia and we've had our fair share of colds, but nothing super awful. *knock on wood*

  2. North Korean Kangaroo Flu...and black hairy tongues. For some reason, I lurve this post. Seems like you could get BHT disease from a North Korean kangaroo. Methinks these diseases are the same, and calls "SHENANIGANS!"

  3. We have been so lucky! I've only had to keep C home twice since he started going to the Germ Factory (aka daycare center) in September. And both times he was just a little bit sick (had a low grade fever, but was acting fine). Fingers crossed that the rest of the cold/flu season goes as well for that I have TWO kids in daycare, I have a feeling we'll all be getting sick much more often though. :(

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