Sunday, October 14, 2012

Chicken. Egg.

Am I a bad mom because I'm depressed, or am I depressed because I'm a bad mom?


18 comments:

  1. you are not a bad mom. you are depressed.

    you are a good mom who realizes she is having a hard time being the mom she wants to be for her littles. and that is pretty awesome. we call that self-awareness.

    baby steps. maybe a different therapy program? one with less finger painting and basket weaving and more hard core therapizing????

    maybe you would feel better if you smacked a bitch up. I will send Feaux out there for you to slap. I always feel like slapping someone would make me feel better when I am really frustrated. And I am a lover not a fighter...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahhaa is this like the "Here, hit Ouiser! Slap her!" scene from Steel Magnolias?? Here! Smack Feaux up!!

      Delete
    2. Jo--that was my first thought too! Though I'm not sure how I feel about getting smacked. Or apparently being the "B" in the "smack a B up". Can I instead suggest this: I will bake a totes delicious pie. And Jo can eat one piece...and then smash the rest in Dr. McDreamy's face...and she can't be THAT upset about it, because then she gets to lick delicious pie off her face.

      Delete
    3. All I know is I want to smack SOMEONE UP with a pie or my open-handed fist.

      snorf

      Delete
    4. Hmmm. Yes, I will take it!!!! I LOVE PIE! And I love that Feaux is very proper and says 'B'. Feaux, my love, I was in no way calling you a B in the "rude she's-a-B-way." Hopes you knew that.

      Delete
  2. If I wasn't a bad mom, I'd do something about this shit. I can recognize what's going on. I recognize my faults and shortcomings. And yet I do nothing to fix it. That makes me a bad mom. I have no energy to fix what's wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. beating yourself up over past failings only settles you lower into the muck and keeps you more stuck. unproductive. you can visit pity city, but don't take up residence.
      btw, this is sherilin. i'm apparently not showing up as myself tonight.

      Delete
    2. Pity city is a hard place to leave from.

      Delete
  3. You aren't doing things to fix it? You aren't seeing doctor P and taking handfuls of medicines to fix it? I CALL SHENNANNIGANS. You can only do what you're doing. One thing a day. Add a park visit a week. One block of time a week where you go to the park.

    You can do this. You need me to come live near you to pull you from your dark pit. I know you'd do the same for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you. I wish I could just "go to the park once a week." I wish it were that simple.

      I do know that if we lived near each other, you'd help pull me out of my funk. And you're right, I'd try to do the same for you. As it is, you're a great long-distance friend and I heart you. Life is just so unreasonably hard for me, for someone who has no right to feel this bad.

      Delete
    2. Feeling guilty for feeling depressed is so familiar to me. I wish I could tell you something, anything to fix it. But you need to take control of your life. YOU CAN DO IT. You need to BELIEVE. ::hug:: Just because your problems are not world hunger or being beaten or whatever, doesn't make it any less real or important or anything. You are real, you are important, you are worth feeling however you feel. One step at a time. One teensy-weensy baby step.

      Delete
  4. I didn't want to read and not comment but I am struggling with finding the right words. Please know that even though I don't comment often I always look forward to your posts. I know that depression is very real and the fact that you are recognizing that it is the issue is huge! When my father has bouts of depression, it is so hard because he isn't able to see the difference. Keep working with your doctor to find the right meds or combination of meds, as well as appropriate and helpful therapy, and you will get to the other side of this. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Jo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Maria. Much love. <3

      Delete
  5. You are simply depressed. You are a GREAT mom, and you're trying everything you can to get out of this depression spiral.

    Go watch some Maury and you'll feel much better about your parenting skills. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a good mom insofar as I try desperately to keep my kids safe. I'm a careful mom. I'm an aware mom. But I think that's the most that can be said for me. I'm not a good mom, I'm not an entertaining mom, I'm not a stimulating mom. I'm a boring-ass nhermit who is stunting her kids and turning them into little mini-OCDers. Oh and did I mention that Naomi has taken to hurting herself on purpose? She smacks herself in the face. I can't help but think that's because of my own mental "disturbances," passed on to her.

      Long story short, I'm not a great mom, but maybe someday I'll be better. I don't know.

      Oh, but watching Maury is a GREAT idea. ;) <3

      Delete
  6. You, my awesome internet friend, are neither. You know how you love your kids and want to make sure you give them the best life you can? THAT is awesome parenting. You're also incredibly strong. I find you inspiring. You're beautiful (and this is coming from one of those gays you hear about in the news) and hilarious and I admire you, all the way from over here in Australia. SO THERE, JO'S EVIL BRAIN TELLING HER SILLY THINGS. TAKE THAT!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Seb, my gay Australian BFF. :) Thanks for everything you said.

      Everyone tells me I'm a good mom...but I guess I still feel like everyone who's not in my shoes can't see what a truly awful mom I really am. I like to THINK that I'm trying, and I'm working on it, and the very fact that I care about being a good mom makes me a good mom, but sometimes that all just sounds like bunk. I really believe I'm a bad mom.

      Either way, it's awfully nice to hear your kind words, especially when I feel anything but beautiful. Thanks Seb. xoxo.

      Delete