Tuesday, March 6, 2012


My friend Ches asked me this:

I'd like to hear about the births of your babies and how you felt staying in the hospital. Was it stressful? Or did you not even care because, you know, you just gave birth and all. :) Did you obsessively watch the nurses/doctors to make sure they washed and hand sani-ed before they came into your room?

Oh boy. This is a great question, and MAN does it bring back memories.

So, in a nutshell, I spent the entire time in the hospital freaking the fuck out.

Because of germs.

And to make matters worse, I had to stay in the hospital a full three days. That was a lot of hours of freaking the fuck out. Because of germs.

First of all, I printed out a sign and hung it on the hospital door: "All visitors: Please wash your hands when entering."

Oh yes I did.

Second, before giving birth, I had used Lysol wipes on things like the bed railings and tables and such.

Bag of Lysol wipes:

Third, I repeatedly Purelled my hands while in labor. WHILE PUSHING MY BABY OUT.

This is me, rubbing my hands together briskly for 30 seconds.

I also had good old Sani-Hands everywhere. 

Like, everywhere.

I watched every doctor and nurse like a fucking hawk. Only about 1 time in 400 did a nurse ever use hand sani upon entering, even though it was right on the wall. Kind of like my bathroom at home.

It made me CRAZY that they didn't use hand sani. But I was too chicken to speak up.

Even during the fraction of the time that they did use hand sani, they would come in and use the computer to check my stats, etc, and that keyboard and mouse had been handled by people who hadn't cleaned their hands, so it was kind of pointless.

They'd also use pens and stuff, and I would cringe and think, "Do you know how filthy that pen is? And now you're going to touch my hours-old baby?"

At one point, the nurse came in and said she was about to give my baby her first bath. I asked, "Do you usually use the sink for that, or a basin?" She said they always use the sink. The sink where people had been washing their dirty hands. Where I'd brushed my teeth and spat. Etc. I said "FUCK IF YOU'RE DOING THAT WITH MY BABY, BISH"  "I'd really prefer it if you used a basin."

She complied.

When Maya came to visit, I washed and Purelled the very skin off her hands.

But isn't this precious?

Maya even got into the swing of things using Sani-Hands to wipe off everything she deemed germy.

I was also concerned about the doctor not wearing a mask during the birth, but I guess that wasn't a huge deal.

I was impressed, however, when the doctor asked the nurse to take his glasses off the top of his head and put them on for him, instead of him touching them (glasses are among the filthier things in this world):

I sure hope there is no vaj showing in any of these photos.

So this just shows you a portion of the anxiety I went through. Then I had to contend with visitors and being afraid that people had colds, etc. Everything about everything about being pregnant and giving birth made my OCD go haywire.


  1. Lollerskates @ the Where's Waldo Hand Sanitizer Game.

  2. Oh honey, I could write you a book! Ian was born in a birth center, so he went home with me that night. In all honesty, I didn't get all crazy until after Evelyn was born. I wanted her to be born in the birth center, but she had too many problems, and it was not meant to be. I had to have a C-section, which was a nightmare. My first IV, surgery, everything. Awful, awful, awful. Plus she had to go to the NICU, so I was scared on top of everything else. I think that's when the craziness started. I wondered if I had done something to make her the way she was. I was afraid she'd get sick and couldn't fight it off as well as someone else. And so it goes.

    I love that you put a sign on the door--too bad the doctors and nurses probably thought it applied to everyone but them. Hospitals freak me out--germs everywhere! Plus they are sort of like baby Nazis--they tell you when you can see your baby, hold your baby, whatever. It sucks.

    You looked very good and had a great smile considering what you had just went through. And good work on keeping the vaj out of the pics. My husband filmed the baby, but not the actual birth. However, on one of the shots when he was filming afterwards, I was getting, um, stitched up (sorry) and he got a shot of it. We had to edit it out, so right in the middle of the video, Matt's face just pops into the frame for a second and then pops back out.

    Sorry, this is like a post! I just haven't talked to you much lately. I hope you are getting your MoJo back!

  3. Wow. Loss for words if you can believe it. Wow. Wow.

  4. Janice: I considered going the birth center route. Although I still would have fretted about germs everywhere. They're not just in hospitals, hehehe.

    Other than the germs thing, I actually had quite a lovely birth experience. I really liked the doctor, and the nurse who was there when I delivered. Naomi roomed with me, so ain't nobody told me when and where I could see mah babby!!

    And oh boy, speaking of vaj shots, you should see (or maybe not) the video!! My mom took it, and it practically shows my cervix. lol. But actually, I find it fascinating and it was awesome to see it all really happen. I just can't show the video to friends, is all. heh.

    Thhhhhhea: What part wows you so much? ;)

  5. Woo-hoo! This is exactly what I wanted to know. :) Great post!

    OMG at the little Jo (aka Maya) wiping things down with a sani wipe! I love that picture. :)

    I never even thought of the sink issue...but you're right. That's gross. My sister requested that her babies not get a bath - they just wiped them down a little. Maybe I'll do that next time.

  6. Ches: Naomi had sooooooo much vernix that even the bath didn't get it all off. :)

    Mommy Bags: Where did your comment go?? :)

  7. I am not really sure. All of it? I had not thought of any of those things. I just threw a container of those handiwipes away that had gotten dry and crusty. I understand if we need to break up...
    I will say I think most of the hospital peeps that came in my room after having Alice used the hani sani. I remember thinking I hope they don't get it on the baby because she was so little and i thought it was too harsh on her new baby self and I didn't want it yucking up her perfect little baby fresh-from-the-womb ecosystem :) i don't think I have ever used hand sani on her actually now that I think about it...did a little piece of your soul die a little after reading that???
    I am glad you had a good birth experience. We did too. No video though...and we covered the TV with a sheet because I could see my reflection and it was weirding me out.

    1. That's funny, Thea. I insisted that there be a mirror for me to see what was going on, and it was just a stupid little hand-held one, and I was directing my husband all bossy-like,, even in the throes of pushing, like, "up! down! left! lefter!! up! puuuuuuuush!!" I wanted to see EVERYTHING. And oh Lordy, the videos show everything. Everything.

  8. WOW!! I was too freaked out to worry about any of those things! All I wanted was to get the baby out safe and sound and then go to sleep! I was totally exhausted!!!

    1. I'm never too busy, tired, or in pain enough to stop worrying about Purell. ;-)