The first recorded use of toothpaste was about a thousand years ago by a Roman named Scibonius Largus. (Which translates to Large Bonerus.) <-- Outright lie
Anyway, Large Bonerus's toothpaste was a mixture of honey, salt, and ground motherfucking glass.
Thank you, Colgate, for improving the formula.
Oh, and Ancient Spaniards use to dip their toothbrushes in human urine.
Toothpaste actually still contains ground glass (sort of) - it's listed as hydrated silica on the ingredients, but it's basically a very fine, very pure sand suspended in water to act as an abrasive. It actually makes toothpaste really useful for cleaning things other than teeth. I used it to clean a keyboard once.
ReplyDeleteEwwww human urine. OK I think I cannot even process that right now
ReplyDeleteMB: I bet you have a new appreciation for Cool Mint flavor now. The alternative could be Asparagus Pee.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Big Boner should have just used regular sand and cut the glass people out of the supply chain.
ReplyDeleteEh, Andrew, I don't think it's fair to say that there's "basically" glass in today's toothpaste, just because sand can become glass after undergoing a certain process. Otherwise, we'd all go let our children frolic in the glass at the beach, or play in their glassbox, and we'd ask, "Who got glass in your vagina?"
ReplyDeletethe silica in toothpaste is actually diatoms. diatomacious earth.
ReplyDelete