My Anxiety Manifests in So Many Unpleasant Ways.

So OMG tomorrow is the day of the party of the birthday of the five-year-old child of myself!! She actually turned 5 today, and yes there have been tears galore because mommy is not ready to face that five years have gone by since she squoze out that tiny tiny bundle, but bygones.

Can you believe this wee smiling beast?

NOW my main worry is the party.

I know several of you have weighed in on the parking situation: You are all adults and you can figure out where the motherfuck to park, even if you have to drive to Juanita to do it. I can trust you with that. (PS: There is apparently "underground parking," for those coming, which I did not know about and still don't know how to find, but if you look hard enough and wish upon the morning star you may find some.)

So. OK. I get it. Parking is up to you. I have to let go and let God.

But tomorrow I have to:

• Pick up the cake and hope it's up to par (I ordered it sight-unseen, over the phone--shit better be rainbowy enough for my kid who wants an ultra-rainbow birthday.

Nothing will look this awesome, I'm sure.

• Put Naomi down for and ultra, ultra early nap, which I know in my heart of hearts is not going to happen, so by the time we leave the house at 1:30 or earlier, Naomi will likely have had no nap. The party goes until 7 pm so we are fucked in half if she doesn't nap.
• Set out on the long drive to Kirkland and stop at Safeway on the way, picking up said rainbow cake (if not earlier), plus tons of fresh pizzas and veggie platters and chips and pop and water and champagne and beer (no one can accuse us of not throwing a child's birthday party like it should be thrown, with booze).

• Bring the Helium tank (did you know there is apparently a "helium shortage crisis" in Western WA and we had to go all over tarnation to find a do-it-yourself blow-up tank??) and fill 93207492037509327523 balloons and mylar balloons once we're there and tape some to the entrance of the party room and have then scatterered all about. I've learned from past parties that nothing is a bigger bit that regular old helium balloons, floating on strings from the ceiling. Kids play with this shit for hours.

• Bring the Box Full O' Shit which includes plates, cups, balloons, balloon string, napkins, confetti, decorations, candles, table cloth covers (rainbow, natch), centerpieces, gift bag goodies like rainbow suckers, rainbow sticker books, and rainbow crayons 
• Other accoutrement like a motherfucking pizza cutter (what will we do if I forget this?) and bowls to hold shit like suckers and stickers, and bowls to hold chips
• Bring a DVD like "Tangled" or "ET" so that kids can watch in the adjacent movie room at the leisure (somehow I know this will be overlooked)
• I had originally planned to do pinatas untill I realized the mere thought was keeping me up at night: Must buy candy!! Must buy string! Must buy a pinata whacker! Must find some goddamn way in tarnation to hang these motherfuckers inside a community room!! Instead, I returned them (minus shipping fees) but feel much calmer. Win?

• Must find a way to organize a game or two--I don't have the stuff for Pin the Tail on the Whatnot, so I think I'll take a good friend's advice and just do simple, simple Duck-Duck-Goose.

And I guess if people don't like it? Or they happen to notice that some of our plastic champagne flutes are totally cracked and broken? Or they think I didn't do enough to prepare? They can suck it, Trebek.

But I still can't help feeling totally overwhelmed. Wish me luck tomorrow at noon-7 PST.

STILL AM TOTES FREAKING OUT THIS IS NOT NORMAL I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH A 5TH BIRTHDAY PARTY  BUT I'M LOSING IT OVER HERE FUCK YOU ANXIETY RIGHT IN THE FACE

Pray for me.

Either way, enjoy another photo of my sweet perfect angel five years ago:

Happy fifth birthday, my love.