Today I was watching MTV's True Life, because, AWESOME. And this chick? who has a compulsive shopping habit? has THIS under her fingernails:
What in the figurative fuck. Are you for real right now because I'm afraid I can't even. You accidentally some handsoap.
There was recently this commercial for something like jam, and this little four-year-old girl had the filthiest figernails I've ever seen. I was like, "Seriously? For a commercial? With a close-up on the hands? And they couldn't scrub those paws up a little?" I mean, heavens, don't hire a hand model for a tot touting the tastiness of Smuckers, but sweet Moses. WASH HER HANDS.
And yes, I curse myself fortnightly that I didn't snap a pic of that commercial.
Then there's THIS BASIC BITCH who has the same problem. Well, she has lots of problems, some worse than others. Por ejemplo, she drinks five bottles of nail polish a day.
Anyway, I was watching "My Strange Addiction" when I spied this atrocity. I direct your eye to her thumbnail. Now I direct your eye to me, hunched over the porcelain throne, making an offering to the toilet gods.
In a similar vein, this lady on the same show is "addicted to" her pillow. Fine. Dandy. Great. Super. Right?
Except that she BOUGHT it at an ANTIQUE store. It was a used pillow to begin with. Also? she has never washed it, not ever.
She has NEVER WASHED IT.
In other What Is This Fuckery, Jennifer Lawrence (you know, Katniss) doesn't wash her hands after using public bathrooms. Apparently she is "notorious for her quick bathroom breaks," and she states, “I had this theory that hand washing is overrated. And it was true: The bathroom door had the same bacteria as the toilet seat, and the sink was the dirtiest part – it was dirtier than the toilet handle.”
My thoughts on the matter?
Let's break this down.
1nd: It is unlikely that the bathroom sink is dirtier than the flush handle, as someone with bum-bum germs on their hands would get those v. same germs on the flusher AND the sink--they're all the same germ. I'm not insinuating that the sink is cleaner than the flusher, but they both have bum-bum germs. Why would your hands be dirtier as you wash them, than when you just flushed the toilet moments ago? Where are these extra germs coming from in between the flush and the wash?
2rd: Don't fucking touch the flusher with your hands. Didn't Auntie JoJo teach you anything? If one person flushes with their shoe, then you have to too. Sorry.
3th: Let's pretend for a moment J.Law is right about the sink being the dirtiest place in the restroom. This begs the following questions: (a) Who goes around TOUCHING the inside of a public restroom sink? it's not like people are filling up the sink bowl at Denny's and using it to splash water on their faces; and (ii) Has she never heard of ways to avoid getting the germs from sink handles? The same goes for...
4st: ...The part about how she says the bathroom door has the same bacteria as the toilet seat. She's not wrong about that, but again, doesn't she know there are ways around touching the bathroom door, ways that do not involve NOT WASHING YOUR HANDS?
5rd: What does J.Law do when she makes a duke in a public restroom? Still not wash her hands? Lord have mercy. I may perish.
6pf: Someone needs to teach J.Law The Way of the Public Restroom. It is easy. First, you use the restroom, being careful not to transfer germs to your pants zipper or button. You may even turn the lock with toilet paper, if you wish. Proceed to your bidness. Next, you flush with your shoe. Then, you go out and roll down the paper towel first. YES FIRST. Then, you wash thoroughly with soap. THEN, you tear off the paper towel and dry your hands, then use the same paper towel to turn OFF the water. Then, use the paper towel to also open the bathroom door upon exiting. IT'S JUST THAT EASY. It doesn't take any longer; it just means reversing a few of the things you do anyway.
CONCLUSION: Is J.Law nuts? Why doesn't she know how to clean her hands and not pick up unwanted germs? What does she do when she takes a poo? Does she wash at home, even though home bathroom sinks are also very dirty? Can a CONCLUSION be full of questions and still be a CONCLUSION? Who maintains things around here anyway?
"Oops I accidentally some fecal matter"
"My hygiene would make you hergle blergle"
"What are, my thoughts on washing, Trebek?"
Just saw another disgustitude.
Was totally watching Teen Mom SHUT UP, and the youngster in question was at a college and couldn't find anywhere to change her baby's poopy diaper. So what did she do? Go out to her car and change her on the seat or in the hatchback? Find an empty classroom and change her on a desk? Change her on the godforsaken carpet in the hallway? OF COURSE NOT. No, the obvious choice to this whippersnapper was to sit on the public toilet, sit right on it fully clothed, her jeans absorbing every droplet of piddle and smear of shit and hint of STD, and change her baby's diaper that way.
Genius, right? brb vomiting forever
Seriously, she has not EVER WASHED IT.
And that concludes this edition of, "Gross Stuff on the Embarrassing Programs I Was Watching and I'll Thank You To Stay Out of My Personal Affairs."