Friday, February 15, 2013

Fun Phobic Fact Friday!

MEGA EDITION.


1. Ever have a craving for a peanut butter sandwich? That thick, yummy, and creamy goodness. In one pound of peanut butter, it typically can contain up to 150 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs. [Ed. Note: Who's making these sandwiches, Remy??]




2. House flies go to the bathroom roughly every 4.5 minutes. Think about that next time you see one fly on your delicious dinner. [Ed. Note: "House flies go to the bathroom" strikes me as a ridiculous way to phrase it. I think "House flies visit the lavat'ry" would be much better.]

3. Step outside and smell the roses. On a daily average you will inhale 1 liter of others anal gasses.



4. In the mood for fast food? An average person will consume 12 pubic hairs in their fast food annually. Gross! [Ed. Note: Are the fast food workers folding your quesadilla betwixt their legs? Seriously guys, you had one job.]



5. It's summer time, and that means the pools are open! If you swim one hour in a public pool you will intake 1/12 liters of urine. [Ed. Note: "But urine is sterile!!" all you filth monsters insist. (1) It's not sterile when it exits through a person's junk; and (2) even if that were true, who wants to ingest sterile urine anyway?]

6. Creepy crawling cockroaches. As if they aren't disgusting looking enough. These insects carry over 40 different pathogens which risk being transferred to humans. Included is pneumonia, plague, hepatitis, and typhoid fever just to name a few.



7. Need to use the bathroom? When a person pees, a small deposit of urine enters the mouth through the saliva glands. [Ed. Note: I didn't realize that one's ureters were directly connected to their mouth. lol.]



8. Need that morning jump? Next time you go out to the coffee shop think about this, diarrhea induced E.Coli was found on 10% of coffee mugs in the U.S. [Ed. Note: I'll have a grande nonfat vanilla soy bum-bum germs latte, please. Hold the whip.]

9. Enjoy a nice cup of yogurt? You might want to double check the ingredients again. Some yogurts and jelly sweets contain beef or pork gelatin. [Ed. Note: That's what gelatin is. Horse hoofs and such as. Ever eat Jell-O? Same thing.]

10. Think you've got it bad when you vomit? The longest recorded projectile vomiting is 27 feet. I wonder what he ate. [Ed. Note: Yeah? You think that's impressive? Well the longest cat projectile vomit was eight feet.]



11. We all like a man who gives a nice firm hand shake. However, you might want to think twice before returning the firm grip. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and did not wash their hands.



12. Through contact with door knobs, counter tops, and other daily objects your hand will come in contact with 15 penises a day. [Ed. Note: At least it's not 9,000 penises.]

13. When we sleep we are the most relaxed and at peace. Who would've thought that while you are snoozing you were inhaling bugs! In a years time, most humans will consume 14 insects while in their sleep. [Ed. Note: Someone should tell the author that inhaling is different from consuming. Lung spiders are bad mmkay?]

14. Having work done to your house? Research has shown that in a lifetime you will have had 22 workmen examine the dirty contents of your linen basket. [Ed. Note: Who is leaving the Fios guy alone long enough for him to sneak into your laundry room??]

15. Here comes the bride. Next time you're planning to attend a wedding reception you might want to bring a hanker chief. You have a 1/100 chance of taking home a cold sore from one of the guests. Cold sores are a form of oral herpes! [Ed. Note: Why weddings? And how? Are you going around taking sips out of everyone's champagne?]

Phifteen phun phobic phacts for you to enjoy.

Love,
Jo

8 comments:

  1. My agoraphobia just cemented itself for life. Fo' life y'all!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, you can leave the house all right. Just don't touch anything or breathe.

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  2. I have a "i'm dumb and know nothing" question. When you read these does it make your OCD worse? Or does it just cement what you are already feeling?

    When I read them, I'm like, whateves, I am still alive and fine. But does someone with OCD read this and want to wash, or does it just firm up what you know--that we live in a stank and disgusting world? Like, I never think about typhoid or rat hairs. Do you think about those things a lot?

    Just curious.

    In related news: so glad you are back. Been missing you something so terrible fierce. xoxo

    ps> my child ate a chip off the floor at the Mexican restaurant last night and I totally thought of you instantly!!! I knew you would not approve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hard to say. It's kind of both things. Like, I read these horrifying facts and the first thing I think is, "See? SEE?! I'm RIGHT. The world is foul and disgusting and HARMFUL."

      I do also think, "But see? We've managed to survive it."

      And then I think, "Except for the people who haven't survived it. Except for the people who ate one burger and died of E.Coli. Except for the people who are forever disfigured by MRSA. Except for the people rendered permanently sterile by bum-bum germs*."



      *...But maybe that's for the best.

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  3. That lemur is etched into my brain now. I don't wanna think about Zaboomafoo that way. PS--youze was missed, gurrl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only I could think of more than one post every six months!

      <3

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  4. 14. Having work done to your house? Research has shown that in a lifetime you will have had 22 workmen examine the dirty contents of your linen basket. [Ed. Note: Who is leaving the Fios guy alone long enough for him to sneak into your laundry room??]

    Seriously!!! WTF? Aint no maintenance dude going through my laundry hamper in my bedroom. Nope, not gonna happen.

    15. Here comes the bride. Next time you're planning to attend a wedding reception you might want to bring a hanker chief. You have a 1/100 chance of taking home a cold sore from one of the guests. Cold sores are a form of oral herpes! [Ed. Note: Why weddings? And how? Are you going around taking sips out of everyone's champagne?]

    I thinks it cause everyone does the cheek kiss at weddings, can't imagine any other reason...buffet maybe? No clue. Ew.

    I think of you often as well, when my kid does gross shit. Yesterday she broke an icicle off the back of a horse drawn cariage open to public cariage rides, and ate it. EW we took it and desposed of it asap. This morning I caught her picking her nose whilst eating a muffin, EW kids are gross haha.

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  5. I've been away awhile, and now I'm catching up. Oh, how I've missed you, Jo. Just when my paranoia was starting to ease.....

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